Cry baby
by ohsacrebleu
Summary: "That's the thing about summer, you know? You fall in love with someone in the summer and then you spend the rest of the year trying to forget about them." Bella is a poor, little rich girl. Edward is a literally poor, jaded musician. Full of humour, sex, drugs and rock and roll. Rated M for these reasons. All human. Usual pairings. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, so before we get started, I would just like to let you all know..._  
_I do not own Twilight or it's characters. _

**Prologue.**

"You know that question… 'If you could have any power, what would it be?" I asked Jacob. "I think about that a lot, you know. All the time. And I always wish, I just wish I could fly, you know." He was yelling at me, but I wasn't listening to him. He had to know, he just had to know what I was thinking. "Imagine." I continued, laughing to myself. "You are sick of the mediocrity of your life and the bullshit society punishes you with… And so you leave. You just… fly away…" Strong wind whipped through my hair. The cold night air slapped at my face. I held my arms out on either side of me for balance. The simple white dress I wore wrapped tightly around my bodice with the storm. My bare feet on the bridges edge began to numb with the cold.

"I could just spread my wings and fly." I mused and put my head back to gaze at the night sky.  
The stars always seemed to have a way of deceiving me into believing they were prettiest when I felt emptiest.  
I could hear the waves lapping over themselves below me. Grasping onto each other for the briefest of moments, before letting go and crashing against themselves. The water called for me, begged me to it, asking me to let the ice cold water devour my soft skin. It told me to just let go and fly.  
"Get the fuck down, Bella." I heard Edwards's violent and concerned voice and my head snapped in the direction it was coming from. He walked quickly towards me, with long strides and creased eyebrows. I heard Jacob explaining that he couldn't control me, I heard him apologising but I blocked out Jacob's voice and focused in on deep green eyes that were almost near me.

"What do you live for, Edward?" I called out to him.

"You, Bella." He yelled back.

"And what would you die for?" I asked him, lowering my voice. He was standing just below me now, looking up at me under long lashes. I stared at him. His eyes were portraying feelings that were being sent from his heart. I knew them all too well. They were broken, sad and begging.

"You." He replied to me after a moment or two. So quietly, that only I could hear. A crowd had gathered but they didn't matter. Nothing mattered because there was Edward and there was me. I started down at him with such intensity it froze my body more than the cold had in the past hour. He reached out to me and I accepted his warm embrace. He pulled me from the edge and into his strong arms. He wrapped them tightly around me and kissed any skin his lips could connect with. I apologised, over and over again, crying and shaking into his body. Weeping and muttering, "I'm sorry Edward, I'm so sorry." As he soothed me and loved me and cradled me against his chest. The people around us began to disperse, but we could have stayed together like that all night.

* * *

**A/N:**_Okay so I'm quite pleased with this, but are you? Do you love it or loathe it? Leave a review and I'll bake you a cupcake. Maybe. _


	2. Chapter 2

_"And these children that you spit on,_

_as they try to change their worlds,_

_are immune to your consultations,_

_they're quite aware of what they're going through."_

**_-David Bowie (Changes)_**

PART ONE.

**Chapter one.**

Alice was painting my toenails a dark purple, she painted them like she painted her canvases, with extraordinary precision, tenderness and care. I glanced away from the book I was reading and smiled at her.

"They match my hair." I said and she smiled back, nodding, content with the choice of her colour.

She was sitting cross legged on my bed, and I was lying, perched against the headboard with my feet resting on her thighs.

It was warm in my bedroom. Summer's way of warning us it would soon be visiting. My window was open and the breeze blew gently through it, giving a sense of serenity to the usual place Alice calls, "Baby Doll's Breakdown Bedroom." Because it is usually dark and eerie. Not now though, the sun was beginning to set, but sunshine was still streaming into my room, lighting it up. We were listening to Pearl Jam and talking about nothing in particular. I was trying to read, To Kill a Mockingbird that Jacob had lent me last week, but simple things kept distracting me. I was like that; my mind was constantly in a wander. I would always forget where I was and what I was meant to be doing.  
"Baby doll." Alice said, clicking her fingers in front of my face. She had asked me something but I missed it.

"Hmm?" My eyes flickered back to her, they had been staring out the window and I didn't even notice. She rolled her eyes at my short attention span.

"Are we going to this party tonight or what?" She raised her eyebrows, waiting for my answer. She had been nagging me all week. She wanted to go, but wouldn't go without me, we were like batman and robin.

'Tonight' referred to this party hosted by an arrogant jerk who we attended school with. His name was Emmett. He was tall, masculine, loved basketball and has no idea who Albert Einstein is. The two people who gave him his wealth, fortune and incredible good looks were on a cruise in Vanuatu. All the teenagers in our small community of Forks and neighbouring towns were invited. Even me, the girl he'd spread a rumour was a lesbian because I wouldn't give him a blow job when we were fourteen. But then again, maybe _that_ was the reason he invited me. Teenage boys loved lesbians.

"I'm not sure." I finally answered Alice and she huffed, and puffed, (She didn't blow my house down) but she pouted and begged me to go with her. After feeling physically nauseated from witnessing her childish pleas, I agreed. She screeched and grinned, then said, "Then I have to go steal some vodka from Daddy's liquor cabinet. Be back soon babydoll." She kissed my cheek and then she left. I could hear he skipping down the stairs and I laughed to myself. I tried again, once more, to concentrate on To Kill a Mockingbird.

My mother wasn't home to tell me I couldn't go anywhere. She had travelled with Phil for one of his business meetings. Phil was my step father, but he hardly lived with us at all. He was a hot shot lawyer from the City. The mansion, (My home) that he owns in Forks is more of a holiday destination for him than a house he comes home to visit his wife and step daughter.

Alice bought a whole wardrobes worth of clothes to my house and a lot more vodka than I would have anticipated. We did shots before we started to pretty ourselves. Alice had been pushier than ever to enjoy the party scene lately. This was our last summer before we were eighteen and independent. And that terrified her. She became fidgety and nervous, god; she got nervous whenever someone talked about it, which was often. Then in English we watched "Dead Poets Society." And now she is into all this Carpe Diem shit and wants to be wasted every weekend and do dangerous stuff that if we were caught, Phil would probably be defending us while we were on trial.

Alice makes me put on the skinniest pair of jeans I have ever tried to fit into. They're a size too small and she thinks it makes my ass look perfect. She gives me a cut up black t shirt than exposes my stomach; she puts red lipstick on my lips and teases my hair.

"You are the epitome of sexy."

"Epitome? Nice word."

"Thought you would like that one, baby doll." She laughs.

Alice wears a tight red dress that hugs at her petite form. She was tiny, Alice. Guys loved it. Her mother made he take ballerina classes while she was a kid, and it always showed off in the way her body matured. Alice matched her dress with black boots and dark eyeliner. She looked very tre chique**. **

Alice pours us both another shot. "Carpe Diem." She toasted and I laughed, trying not to spit back up my vodka as it burned its way down my throat.

The party was in full bloom by the time we stumbled our way there, laughing together, arm in arm at the most ridiculous things. Our surroundings were spinning, but I could tell we were at Emmett's. My mother used to make me come here while she and Emmett's mother played croquet. His house was just as huge as mine, just as over the top, just as unnecessary. Just as expensive. It even smelt like perfection.

Alice and I walked through the door, and Alice kissed everyone she saw on the cheek. There were drunken people everywhere, people drunker than Alice and I. Alice wanted to dance, and she shimmied away. I lost her in the crowd. I wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, I was just really drunk. And I really wanted to dance too. So I swayed my hips to the dance floor. The dance floor was Emmett's living room, the couching all moved aside, girls were dancing on a glass table like expensive strippers that Emmett had paid. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if that were the truth. People were crowded like sardines in a can. They smelt like alcohol and sweat and looked messy, sweaty, drunk. I stumbled into the centre and let the music course through my body as I raised my hands above my head and let the guy behind me snake his arm around my waist and grind me. I grinned when I thought of Alice's words repeating themselves in my head. _Carpe Diem._

The dance floor was spinning, I was spinning, and the entire fucking earth was spinning, literally. I laughed out loud at my inward joke. God, I was starting to feel the effects of all the alcohol I had poured down my throat. I decided I needed some more.

I walked to Emmett's huge silver kitchen and surprisingly I found Alice in there. She was talking to someone, someone she was very interested in. I could tell by the way her body was directed to him and she kept fidgeting with her hands. I winked at her when we made eye contact and she squealed.

"Baby doll!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and I kissed her. She laughed, "Need another drink?"

"Yes please." I laughed and she grabbed my hand. "Jasper, this is Baby doll. Baby doll this is the most fascinating guy I have ever met." He held out his hand, ready to shake mine and I giggled, putting my hand in his.

"Nice to meet you." He said and I smiled and hiccupped. Alice laughed. She poured me a drink.

"Look baby doll. There is someone I want you to fuck. Wait, shit. No, there is someone I need you to meet. That's what I meant, right Jasper?" Jasper chuckled, he wasn't nearly as drunk as we were but Alice was amusing both me and him. She started backing me out of the kitchen.

"Where is he Jasper? We have got to find him." She said urgently and I became intrigued.

"Where is who?" I asked, laughing. But she kept pushing me backwards and Jasper kept laughing and I kept wondering who she was talking about.

And then I backed into someone's chest. And Alice screamed, "Edward!" and Jasper nodded to someone behind me. I turned, so close to a very, very attractive guy. He looked down at me with a smile playing on his lips.

"That's me." He laughed, "I'm Edward."

"I'm…" I started, but Alice finished my sentence for me. "She baby doll. She's my best friend. You two have babies. We'll see you later." Alice slapped me on the ass and skipped off into Jaspers arms and they stumbled away together.

We watched them in amusement and then turned to face each other.

"Are you as drunk as she is?" Edward asked in a light, playful tone.

"Nope." I hiccupped and he laughed. "Mmm, I love this song." I swayed. Music was floating into the kitchen from somewhere. It wasn't the same music as the beats from the dance floor. It was Radiohead. Thom Yorke was singing about being High and Dry. Soft and soothing floating into the room from somewhere.

"What's a girl like you like about a song like this?" Edward questioned, raising his eyebrows, looking down at me.

"I know you have prejudged me. And that's okay. But take me to where that music is coming from and I will forgive you." I mumbled, not really knowing what I was talking about because I was distracted. I was looking around, trying to find the serenity in the crazy party atmosphere. Edward grinned and grabbed my hand, he laced his fingers with mine and I looked up at him, he wasn't looking at me though, he was leading the way and I had no choice but to follow. God, his hand felt nice in mine. Really nice.

Edward was moving fast, we went from being in the kitchen to walking downstairs towards a basement and the music was becoming louder. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face when I saw the scene that was happening down there.  
This is where I should have been all night, this is where I wish I had been. There were strangers laying out on couches, in deep discussions, some had guitars, some had weed, records playing in the far corner, girls were dancing, some boys were dancing, there was a guy lying on his back near the couches, completely naked except for a tambourine covering his penis, which he kept slapping to the beat and laughing like it was the funniest idea he's ever had.

Edward and I walked towards everyone; I was no longer being led. But he was still holding my hand.

"Baby doll!" I heard my name being screeched and focused in to see Jessica and Lauren sitting in the laps of a couple of good looking guys on one of the main couches in the centre of the room. Jessica and Lauren were two stuck up bitches who attended my school. And that's sugar coating it. This wasn't their scene; they hated this music, loathed art and creation. They were here for the drugs.

"Friends of yours?" Edward leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"They only like me because of my money." I whispered back and he laughed.

"I don't doubt that."

Edward let go of my hand to do that man thing that boys do with two guys on the orange couch. You know, how they bump fists and say "How you doin' man?" or whatever. The two guys looked genuinely pleased to see him. The boy on the left had dark shaggy hair; he was skinny, but masculine too. He was wearing a clash t shirt but no shoes. His eyes were dark and blazed. He had a gentle smile. The guy on the right was blonde. Nice looking kid. But that's what he looked like, he looked like a boy. He had a baby face. But that doesn't mean he wasn't cute or attractive because he was both. Just in the innocent, virgin way. Even though I could bet he wasn't a virgin at all. Lauren was on the baby boy's right and was looking at Edward intently, the way she looks at someone she really wants to fuck.

I suddenly felt insecure and small. Sometimes that feeling catches me, all of a sudden; I don't feel like myself anymore, I feel like a child, too small for anyone. I stood behind Edward, sort of hiding myself but Edward noticed.

"This is…" Edward started to introduce me.

"Baby doll." The two boy's replied in unison.

"You know me?" I asked, taking a step out of curiosity to stand beside Edward instead of behind him. Curiosity gave me courage.

"Everyone knows you. The stories we have heard baby doll. Man, I feel like I am in the presence of a legend." The boy with shaggy hair laughed and looked up at me while rolling another joint.

"This is an honest question baby doll and I want an honest answer. Is it true you let an inmate out of prison when you were twelve?" The boy with the baby face asked, looking at me in admiration.

"Yeah, that's true." I laughed and Edward looked down at me with an expression of wonder, like I was full of mysterious and secrets he wanted to unravel. I just shrugged.

"Tell us more stories." Shaggy hair guy said.

"Maybe. What's your names?" I asked them.

"I'm Mike." The kid-face-boy answered me, smiling and holding up his hand to identify himself.

"And I'm James." The shaggy hair boy said and offered Edward the blunt. Edward accepted it and passed it to me. I took a quick hit and then passed it onto Lauren who was still staring at Edward. Jessica was now on the floor, laughing to herself and I looked down at her, shaking my head in amusement at how funny she looked.

"Baby doll, quit looking at me like that." She laughed because even she knew how ridiculous she looked rolling on the floor by herself. But it was kind of in time to the music so it was kind of interesting too.

Edward took a seat next to Ben and reached for my hand. He pulled on me until I fell into his body, curling my legs over his and leaning against his chest. I was giggling and he wrapped an arm around me. He smelt so goddamn good. He smelt like cheap cologne that was ridiculously tasty mixed with sugary treats. I couldn't stop laughing. The weed was affecting me. But things had stopped spinning and that relieved me.

"I think Lauren wants to eat you." I whispered into Edward's ear. And he leaned forward a little to glance quickly at Lauren who was staring at him with her best 'fuck me' face on. It really was quite seductive but Edward just leaned back into the chair where he couldn't see her and started to laugh, like really laugh. It rumbled in his chest.

"How old are you baby doll?" Edward asked me.

"Seventeen." I replied and he let out a low whistle.

"You're young."

"How old are you?"

"Just turned twenty."

I shrugged and he smiled. Nothing could faze me in that moment. I was comfortable with him and he wasn't letting me go.

Fortunate Son started to play over the records and James started to sing. He had a really nice voice. It made me grin. He was slapping his thighs and getting into it. Like he was the only one in the room and Fortunate Son was the best thing he had ever heard.

We were all laughing and Edward whispered in my ear.

"Tell me the prison story."

I looked into his eyes and a smile played on his face. He was really, really intrigued.

"My Dad was the chief of Police." I began.

"BABY DOLL IS TELLING THE PRISON STORY!" Mike shouted and suddenly everyone in the room came to gather around the couch. They were sitting on the floor, laying on each other like couples or school children, or both. Staring at me intently with curiosity, waiting for me to tell the story, straight from my mouth. Edward was laughing, I was facing away from him, but I could feel it.

"My Dad was the chief of Police." I repeated. They nodded. I laughed. "Anyway, I used to spend a lot of time in Forks prison. You know, nothing special, just hanging around, mixing up everyone's lunch bags, messing with the coffee machines. Usual twelve year old stuff." While I was talking Edward put his hand on my hip and pulled me closer to him. Tracing the skin on my hip bone with his thumb. I tried to concentrate on the story but he was making it difficult. Edward and weed weren't mixing well for me at that moment. Someone coughed. I realised I had become distracted again.

"Anyway there was this guy there. This old sort of guy. I guess he was fifty something. He was in there waiting for a trial and everyone said he was crazy. Even Charlie said he was crazy. But he wasn't, really, just misunderstood." I thought about that old man. Angus his name was. He was the oldest man I knew then. So gentle and caring, but so fragile and his eyes were so, so tired. All the time. He always looked like he needed to sleep.

"We became friends because I would sneak him sandwiches and he taught me pig Latin." I smiled. "One day he tricked me into believing he was getting the death penalty. And asked me to pick his lock for him so he could enjoy one last day outside. It really was a nice day, you know, sun shining, birds twirping. All that shit. And he knew I knew how to pick locks. It became a hobby of mine and he always saw Charlie yelling at me for it."

"So I did. I picked his lock and we walked out of there together. There was a new police man on duty and I told him he was my grandpa and I don't know why he believed me but he did. We had a picnic, and walked down to the shops and bought spray paint and wrote "Law is for pussies." All over town. We lasted three hours before we were caught. I was banned from the police station for a while and I never saw Angus again."

Everyone was laughing. They were applauding and clapping. James was saying, "See? Legend. I told you all she was a legend."

I just leaned back into Edward and he pulled me tighter. I turned to face him and he was grinning.

"You're right." He said.

"About what?" I asked him.

"I did prejudge you."

"It's okay." I said and I kissed him on the cheek and he looked shocked but before he had time to react Ob La Di Ob La Da began to play and I just had to dance. So I jumped up and away from Edward and began to dance around the room as the naked guy with the tambourine laughed and slapped his tambourine in beat to my dancing. I cheered for him and Edward cheered for me. I felt invincible. I felt alive. I felt like if the sky had fallen in that second and I had one last thought I would think, "I am perfectly content with dying like this."

"Come with me." Edward was suddenly behind me and whispering in my ear. He grabbed my hand again. I followed him as he led me up the stairs and outside. People were still everywhere. Passed out. Knocking things over. Being obscurely loud. I just laughed at all of them. I was really high.  
There was a seat just outside the back of the house which was lit up by the moon. It all looked very pretty but it was so calm. I had grown used to loud, to being in the room with the loud people making noise and laughing at everything. This place was so quiet. I didn't want quiet to make it awkward. If it was quiet, then I had to think. If I had to think I'd wonder where Alice was. Or what if Renee found out I was high. Or start to wonder who Edward really was? He could be serial murderer and I wouldn't know because I was too high and too distracted to care.  
Edward sat down and I sat down next to him. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, I watched him. It was then that I truly appreciated how attractive he really was. He was wearing jeans and a button up shirt and converses. His hair was messy. Not purposely messy like the boys at school had their hair. It wasn't messy with product or anything. Just generally messy from running his hands through it or something like that. He had a strong jaw line and stubble. The way the moon played on his face, made him seem almost, beautiful. Like a mirage. He had piercing green eyes and dark shadows under them, like he hadn't slept well for a long, long while. I couldn't believe I hadn't paid attention to any of this finer detail until now. I couldn't believe I hadn't really appreciated him and that he was here with me. I felt almost embarrassed that I had had the courage to kiss him on the cheek.  
I realised he _appeared _older than me. I also realised that he was looking at me staring at him and I looked away sheepishly. It was quiet. Only the faint sound from the party inside drifting outdoors to us.

"So Edward, what do you like to do in your spare time?" I asked him, swinging my legs back and forth under the seat and he laughed. Like, really laughed.

"What is this? Speed dating?" He grinned.

"If it were up to Alice it would be."I said and he puffed on his cigarette and blew it into the night air, I started to shake.

"Are you cold?" He asked me and I shook my head. He looked at me like he knew I was lying but I looked away.

"Why do they call you baby doll?" He asked me suddenly.

"They just do." I shrugged, there was a story behind how the nickname began but I wasn't going to share that story just yet. He looked at me curiously but I asked, "Where are you from?" To distract him.

"Port Angeles" He said. "I'm living there at the moment with Jasper. We move around a lot."

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I hiccupped.

"Oh babydoll, I already am grown up." He sighed with sadness in his eyes I hadn't noticed before.

"My question still remains." I smiled and he did too.

"A musician. That's all I want to do. It's all I've ever wanted to do. Just make music. Even if just one person enjoys it, then it'll be worth it." He offered more of his words than I had expected and I basked in the sound of his voice talking about something he loves.

"What about you?" He asked, "I'm guessing a lawyer, or a doctor, or someone who is meant to change the world." He nudged me, playfully.

"That's who they want me to be." I sighed and his playful mood disappeared.

"And what do you want?" He asked, turning to face me, his cigarette burnt out and a serious expression plastered on his face. This was different. This was different to who we had been in the basement, we had been playful, like kids. Now we were serious and grown up and I just wanted to laugh at the naked tambourine man again and not have to worry about the way Edward was looking at me like he was actually seeing me for who I was and not who everyone else saw.

"I don't know." I mumbled, staring at my hands. They were shaking. He reached over and placed both his hands in mine, trying to steady them. I breathed deeply.

"Babydoll?" He whispered my name, he was leaning close to me, breathing against my face.

"Hmm?" If I turned, my lips would be close to his. So close to his that they would touch. God, I was nervous. I was really nervous. I was as nervous as Alice is when people ask her what she wants to do with her life.

"I want to ask you to turn and face me." He breathed against my cheek. "Can I kiss you?" He asked me, I nodded and his hands grasped either side of my face gently. They were rough and calloused but he touched me with a softness I had never known. He turned my head to face his, stared into my eyes and slowly closed the distance between us until our lips were barely touching. My heart was beating fast, there were butterflies in my stomach that I didn't know existed, I kissed him back. Softly at first, but then harder, more desperate, like he had something I needed and I had something he wanted.

"Nice man. Wait. Is that?" Both of us froze and separated, turning to face the voice that had interrupted us. It was the one, the only, Emmett.

"Hey baby doll." He said, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Hey asshole." I replied.

"I'm not sensing a good vibe here." Edward said and ran his hands through his hair, I realised we were still really close to each other and I moved away a little bit, Edward noticed but didn't say anything.

"Baby doll's a lesbian." Emmett shrugged.

"Apparently a female that can resist the charming Emmett Cullen's request of a blowjob automatically makes them a lesbian." I retorted and rolled my eyes.

"You really are an asshole." Edward hissed at him.

"You love me." Emmett laughed and blew him a kiss. I was glancing between them curiously, wondering how these two could even converse, they were so different. "He's my brother." Emmett explained, noticing my confusing. "From another mother." He laughed. "Literally." He said seriously, all of a sudden.

"Wait, what?" I asked, puzzled.

"We're half brothers." Edward explained.

"Oh." I didn't even know Emmett had a brother. And I had known him since kindergarten. This confusion hit me hard. And things were spinning again. And I needed to find Alice. But I wanted to kiss Edward again.

"She doesn't look too good." Emmett laughed and Edward threatened him quietly. I missed what he said but I wished I could have heard his protective side. I heard Alice's voice out of nowhere and I lifted my chin. Searching the darkness to find her. I spotted her a little bit down into the backyard. She was laughing. She was going up and then down and I didn't understand. Was it the weed or was she flying?

"Baby doll?!" She called out into the night. I heard Jasper laughing. Edward was looking curiously too. Emmett had become bored of our company and walked back inside.

"I'm here!" I shouted back.

"They have a fucking trampoline baby doll! A fucking trampoline! Carpe diem!" She squealed. I looked at Edward curiously.

"It's not my house." He shrugged. I was suddenly intrigued with _his_ story but soon I was distracted again, staring at Alice in wonder. Thinking that a trampoline sounds like the perfect idea. Feeling like I wanted to feel like a child again. Edward sighed. "Such a kid." He laughed and I couldn't help but giggle. He entwined his hand with mine once more and led me towards Alice's squealing voice.

It was one of those huge circle trampolines that all the rich ten year old kids have. Jasper and Alice were both jumping. Jasper would double bounce Alice and she would giggle, high pitched and drunk. Edward stood behind me, put his hands around my hips and lifted me up onto the trampoline. I laughed feeling free. Edward climbed onto the trampoline too. And we just jumped and jumped until we laughed so much our stomachs hurt and we all collapsed next to each other on our backs, staring at the night sky. Alice and I next to each other in the middle and Edward and Jasper on either side of us.

"You two are high." Jasper laughed at Edward and I. I reached for Edward's hand just as he reached for mine and we smiled at each other.

"Maybe a little." I laughed.

"You two fucked." Edward said and I couldn't contain my laughter.

"Maybe a little." Jasper and Alice replied in unison and then we were all laughing again.

When it was all silent and we had calmed down again, we lay and watched the stars. Not saying anything, just enjoying the feeling that was passing through us. The feeling of being young and invincible. But I was becoming scared because I wanted it to last and I knew it wouldn't. I pulled Edwards hand to my mouth to distract myself and kissed his knuckles. Just because I could. And he grinned at me.

"It feels like it should always be this way." Alice says into the night air and we all agree. "Let's go swimming." Alice says.

"That sounds like a perfect idea, Al." I said.

"Edward, man. These two are trouble." Jasper laughed and Edward did too.

"No, I'm serious. Let's go swimming. There is a creek not far from here. And gosh, it's great. You know? Baby doll and I always go there in the summer. And like, god, baby doll remember that time we thought there was a snake?" She ranted on.

"Let's do it. Let's go swimming." I said as I laughed at the memories we had created.

Edward was giving me a piggy back. His hand gripping my thigh and I was nuzzling my face into the back of his neck.

"You smell so good." I said and tried to nuzzle my face further into his skin.

Alice and Jasper were walking together, talking about some kind of art work. And for some strange reason, walking to the creek like that, I finally felt a part of something. Kind of like, I belonged to something worthwhile. I don't know if that sounds crazy or not, but in those moments, that feeling coursed through my veins like my blood.

It didn't take us long to reach the water. The creek reflected the moon and moved like a mirage when you grew closer to it. It looked so beautiful; I wish I could have taken a photo or something. Because I didn't want to forget anything about the way I saw that creek and the way Edward was holding me and the way Alice's laugh drifted through the night sky when Jasper said something about Warhol being a douche.  
The creek was surrounded with bushes and trees; they curled over the creek like an old man with a bad back touring over a small child. It was pretty private area but at the same time just open enough that the adrenaline rushed through your body if you thought someone was passing by.

Edward let me slide down his back until my feet were planted and I moved to stand next to him. Alice was on my right side and I turned to look at her in the darkness. She nodded and I grinned. I reached down to start unbuttoning my jeans. Jasper saw the movement.

"Wait, what?" He said and Alice put a finger to his lips. Hushing him whilst started to take off her shoes. She shrugged her shoulders at him and his eyes widened. I looked at Edward and he was looking at me with an unreadable expression, he was clenching his jaw and he swallowed hard. I had seen that look before. But I had seen it on the face of a boy, never someone mature like Edward. And it was entirely different seeing it on his face. It excited me.

I kept unbuttoning my jeans until finally I could wiggle out of them. They dropped to the ground and I stepped away from them. I left my underwear on. I looked at Edward and he was staring at me. I looked at Alice and she was looking at Jasper. I felt weird all of a sudden but then I started to find it really, really funny and I started to laugh. Edward did too and so I turned to face him. He was looking down at me and I was looking up at him. Alice and Jasper were completely forgotten. I was standing there in my shirt and boy shorts and Edward was fully dressed, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his eyes glazed.

"You are the strangest girl I've ever met." He says to me and I stand up onto my tip toes and press my lips against his softly. The action caught him by surprise but after a moment, he begins to kiss me back. Soft and gentle. I place my hands on his abdomen and slowly lift his shirt up. I can feel his hard stomach and soft skin under my fingertips. He put his hands over mine and helps me guide his shirt over his head. Our kisses remain soft, quiet and adorable; a smile begins to play on my lips. Edward firmly puts his hands around my waist and lifts my shirt up over my head and lets if fall to the grass beside our feet. I unbutton his jeans and pull on them til they fall to the ground near mine. He steps out of them and stands back to look at me. Really, look at me. His stare terrifies me; he was seeing so much more of me than anyone had ever tried to see, not just physically, there was something else. He was seeing something else.

Edward grinned and I returned it. Then in one swift movement he lifted me up over his shoulder, like a protective cavemen, he carried me to the water.

"Don't drop me!" I squealed, giggling, trying not to kick because I didn't want to fall.

"Trust me." He laughed.

"I do!" I giggled, "Just be careful with my lady body!" I said, his laughter rang out in the night sky and then he dropped me into the water. It wasn't cold. It felt nice, refreshing, it soothed me as I kicked around and splashed and found my way to the surface. He was laughing and I splashed him.

"Thanks." I said sarcastically and floated onto my back. He stared at me as I peacefully played in the water.

"You're beautiful." He said. And I blushed because he meant it. His voice spoke the words like it was the only truth he knew.

Alice and Jasper's loud laughs joined us as they jumped into the water. Splashing and spluttering and being children. I couldn't help but laugh too. It was contagious tonight. Alice swims over ready to attack me, but Edward reaches out his arm, wraps it around me and pulls me to him. His feet can reach the bottom but mine can't. So he keeps me steady and I wrap my arms around his neck, he nuzzles his face into my neck and places a kiss near my collarbone. And in the water, and the moonlight, and the feeling of then and there, I honestly would have gave myself to him.

"Aw aren't you two cute." Alice laughs before giving up on her scheme and returning to jasper.

We swam, splashed, played and floated until the night started to lighten a little. But we never became tired or cold. We did, however, grow very hungry.

"Pancakes." Jasper says and we all agree. It was cold when we left the water, but not cold enough for us to shiver or shake. We dressed ourselves in the shadows that the tree's made. The dampness of our bodies soaking through onto our clothes.

"Baby doll's house is closest." Alice said and I agreed. Edward and Jasper looked worried.

"No one's going to be… You know, frighteningly furious that you two are returning home at five in the morning with two older guys?" Jasper asked, laughing nervously.

"Nope." I said.

"Didn't you say your Dad was the chief of police?" Edward said, buttoning up his shirt.

"Was." I replied darkly. Thinking about the feeling that I had just had that could fleet in seconds if someone didn't change the subject. Trying to think of anything. Trying to think of how good things just were. How happy I just was. Trying to grasp onto that feeling. Edward was staring at me. I was looking away from him. They were all silent, until Alice, thank god for Alice, broke the tension.

"Baby doll makes the best pancakes." She smiled at me.

"The best." I smiled back and she put an arm around me.  
We walked together back to my house. The sun started to rise. The night would soon be over. I wanted to hold onto it, to snatch the memories as well as I could but I was starting to sober up and the finer details were lost in a drunken haze.  
We walked up the long drive way til we reached the front of my house. Edward was trying not to stare, but I was very aware his eyes kept addressing the double story white estate that was my home. The huge garden that Renee pays professionals to maintain. The roses, the fountain, the statues. They make me sick.  
I open the front door and Jasper lets out a low whistle. I wasn't sure how to feel about Edward and Jasper being here. Would they judge me because of my money? My two story house. The expensive ornaments. The huge kitchen. The plasma TV. I hated all of it.

"Baby doll. You have quite the home." Jasper observes and I smile grimly.

"It's all fake." I tell him, Alice had walked into the kitchen, she really was hungry. I could hear the pots and pans being thrown around and cuss words when she couldn't find what she wanted.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. He was looking around my house. He looked uncomfortable. He looked like an outsider. It was like seeing a rare bird under water.

"She buys things to cover up her loneliness." I explained. "She covers up her loneliness so she appears happy. She appears happy so no one really knows her. No one really knows her so she feels lonely. You see? It's an ongoing charade."

Jasper and Edward were looking at me but I just walked into the kitchen and motioned for them to follow. They didn't understand that this was normal for me.

We began to cook the pancakes. Edward tells us a story about how when he was little his Mum would always make him pancakes like this. Homemade. First thing in the morning. He says it was one of his favourite memories and then he spills flour everywhere. We laugh and start fighting with it. Edward put it in my hair and I smeared it over his face. Jasper dragged Alice around on the floor, using her small, petite body as a 'mop' to soak up all the flour on the floor. She was giggling so much she couldn't' breathe.  
Our pancakes burnt but we didn't seem to mind. We had them with ice-cream and maple syrup and ate them in the main lounge room.  
The main lounge room consisted of two couches, a huge collection of DVD's along the right wall and the biggest and most expensive TV Phil could buy spread along the wall in front of one of the couches.  
"These are so fucking good." Jasper mumbles and shoves another pancake into his mouth.

"Told you she was the best." Alice nudges him. He grins at her with a mouth full of food and she laughs tiredly. The sun has fully risen. It was seven o clock in the morning and light was streaming into the lounge room through a window. I yawn and Edward puts his hand to the back of my neck and starts to caress it. The feeling made me more exhausted and I didn't have the energy to finish my pancakes.

I yawn again, this time more sleepily. Jasper and Alice were lying down on the other couch. Jaspers arm was around her and she was curled up into him. Her head resting on his chest, under his chin. It was strange seeing Alice like that, seeing her actually more than physically attracted to someone. It was good though, refreshing. I smiled at them.

"You should sleep Baby doll."Edward whispers in my ear and I stare at him through heavy, tired eyes. "I'll be here when you wake up." He laughs and I smile. I don't know how he knew what I was thinking, but somehow, he just did. Edward pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and lays down, he motions for me to lie on him and so I do, lazily and clumsily, making him chuckle. I curl up into him, smelling his sweetness.

"I'm glad I met you, Edward." I whisper to him and he kisses my forehead.

"I think you're a girl I'll spend the rest of my life trying to forget." He whispers back. And I don't know how to feel about what he said, but I smile to myself anyway, because he was telling me the truth, and that was something I wasn't used too. I tried to stay awake. I tried to bask in it, because I knew when I woke up things would be different. I knew we would never have this night back or this first meeting or our pancakes or any of it. But like everything, I couldn't savour it. And I soon fell asleep, happier than I had been in a long, long time.

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**Reviews would be lovelier than pancakes on a Saturday morning.**


	3. Chapter 3

****Okay, so I would just like to say that I rewrote the chapter I posted the other night. Mainly because I think that I rushed it and now I've taken the time to re-read it, add a few things, make it softer, sweeter, you know. Improve it. :) I hope you enjoy this. It won't be long til another chapter will be up. I promise. Scouts honour.

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**Chapter two.**

I wake up to the sounds of groaning and I realise its coming from my mouth. Even whilst dreaming, my body realises I am uncomfortable. I can hear laughter, and the laughter is moving me. I am aching. My entire body, all my limbs and bones and the muscles in between feel sore. I feel like someone had stomped on my head.  
As my eyes adjusted to the light streaming into the lounge room, I realise it's in the afternoon and I am not alone. I look up from my position of being sprawled over a male body to see Edward's amused face looking down at me.

"Morning, sunshine." He says and I groan again and hide my face in his chest. I can only imagine what I look like now, or smell like. I'm sure it'll be as worse as how I feel. My clothes that I am still wearing from last night have stuck to my body and creased into my skin. My hair feels gross and horrible. I didn't wash my make up off last night so my skin feels oily and gross. I look around but can't see Alice and Jasper anywhere.

"They're showering." Edward says, noticing my confusion.

"Together?"

"No, not together, you pervert." Jasper laughs, walking into the room and sitting back on the couch Alice and he had claimed previously that morning. His hair is wet and he looks freshly showered. He's wearing the same clothes he was the night before. Dark jeans and a plan white t-shirt. They're as crinkled and gross looking as mine are. I scramble up from laying pathetically on Edward and sit up on the couch, yawning and crossing my legs under me. He sits up beside me, our arms touching, I can feel his warmth and I want him to hold me back in his arms.

"So team, what's the plan for today?" Alice says energetically as she bounces in and sits in Jaspers lap. She's wearing one of my over sized Clash t-shirts that covers most of her creamy thin thighs. I start to feel really nervous sitting there with them in my house. I feel like the night is over and it's Sunday morning and why would they want to spend it with us? We're just a couple of teenage girls, after all. I just feel very nervous. I can't really explain it. I think Edward notices because he places his hand on my knee. He squeezes it a little and I look at him. It's amazing how he looks in the morning. It makes me feel even worse. His hair is more rugged, but it makes him look more attractive somehow. His eyes are sleepy, but still the colour is so piercing and beautiful. His clothes look creased like mine. But he just looks like the average rock star. If I was thirteen, I would probably lose my breath over his handsome face. Being seventeen, I know how to control my hormones.  
He's smiling at me with his eyes and I smile back with my rosy lips.

"It's Sunday, Alice." I say eventually, prying my eyes away from Edward's pretty face to look at her. She's curled up into Jasper, with her head leaning back on his chest and his arms around her. They look like they could stay there all day. "Nobody ever achieves anything on a Sunday." I say and she nods.

Weezer begins to play the Sweater Song and we all look around the room and Jasper realises his phone is ringing. He has to adjust Alice a bit away from him and it just doesn't look right. Her not being as close to him as she was. Edward and Jasper share a quick glance before he answers his still ringing phone.

"Hello?" He says. "Yeah. No we're not home. We're in Forks. Again? Is she okay? Alright. We'll leave now. Kay. Thanks. Bye man." He hangs up and we look at him expectedly. He looks at Edward.

"It's Rose." He says and I glance between the two. Edward looks at me and Alice watches Jasper.

"Sorry girls. We're going to have to take a rain check." Edward sighs.

"Um." I say, not really knowing what to say. Edward leans over and kisses me on the cheek. He smells like a Sunday hangover but with candy. "I'll call." He whispers into my ear. He gives me an apologetic look before standing up and leaving quickly with Jasper trailing behind him.

"What the fuck?" Alice begins to say.

"Was that?" I finish for her. We are both looking at the door they just left in wonder.

"They're mysterious." She says.

"Kind of sexy." I reply and she laughs.

Alice walks over to me and sits beside me on the couch. She wraps an arm around me and I lean my head on her shoulder.

"You think they'll actually call?" I ask her.

"Of course they will." She responds confidently.

But we look at each other nervously, though we try to hide it, it's there in our faces. We're looking at each other thinking we're not good enough for those two boys. Because really, we're just two teenage girls with a lot of money and hip bones.

Alice and I spend the day together. We watch 80's movies such as Dirty Dancing and cry at the end. We eat ice cream out of the tub and quote the Breakfast Club, all the while watching our phones. We warily glance at each once or twice but otherwise we do not speak of the two boys. We didn't want to jinx ourselves. But we were both hoping for a call, a message, something, anything. But it never comes.  
She leaves at about six pm, saying something about a dinner they're having with her Dad's clients that night and she'll see me tomorrow. I'm not really sure what to do with myself after Alice leaves. I walk upstairs to my bedroom and put on Tom Waits on record. I turn up his trade mark growl and pull out a fresh canvas from my art studio.  
It was originally made to be a walk in wardrobe. However, my clothes mainly consist of jeans and band t-shirts, so it was hard for me to fill it. One weekend when I was fourteen, Renee went away on a cruise and I was left with Phil. He said to me, "I'm not really a great babysitter, kid. Want something to keep you busy?" And I replied with, "An art studio please." And told him of my plans to transform my wardrobe to a studio and two days later it was completed. And I was ridiculously happy. Much happier than I would have been if he had decided to spend some quality time with me instead.

I begin to paint. I pour different colours from shades of reds, to shades of purple on a palette and begin to brush strokes across the canvas. It feels nice, refreshing. And I stop looking at my phone.

Painting has always been special to me. Ever since Charlie first taught me how to paint the home I grew up in. It was a project for us. Although, I think that the ratio of what I painted to what he painted was something like 1:10. But ever since I used it as an outlet. For excitement, boredom, grief. Whatever it was, I painted what I felt. Right now, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. But uncertainty was something else that art could convey, and that's what this new canvas was portraying.

An hour or so had passed and I realised I was exhausted. I collapsed on my bed in just a shirt and my undies and stared at my ceiling. I had traded in Tom Waits for the Cure and Lovecats was playing as my eyes fluttered shut. I couldn't stay awake. I was so tired.

My phone is ringing. My room is dark. I'm very disoriented. I slowly open my eyes and look around. I can't see anything but after a while my eyes adjust to the dark. The record player is still on and the record is spinning but no sound is being played, I've been sleeping for a while. I grab my phone and answer it. Mumbling my hello as I look at the clock. It's only ten o clock. I'm pathetic.

"Hey baby doll." It's Edward. His voice is smooth and sexy in my ear. It sounds like velvet. Soft velvet. "Did I wake you up?" He asks, I can tell he is smiling.

"Yeah." I say yawning. "You did."

"Sorry." He apologises, but he says it like he doesn't mean it. I laugh.

"It's kay." I lie back on my pillow and stare at my ceiling again, picturing him here, with me.

"I just wanted to hear you voice." He says. And I smile.

"I'm glad you called." I say back.

"Can I come over?" He asks and I laugh.

"What? Aren't you in Port Angeles?" I ask, hope fluttering in my chest.

"I had to drive back here today. Emmett wanted to catch up. I'm actually outside your house right now." I was smiling so much, it turned into a grin and I was actually nodding enthusiastically.

"Then just come right in. No one's home." I tell him.

"How often are you alone baby doll?"

"Too often." I reply and he sighs.

"Seen you soon." He says and hangs up.

I rush around the room. I look at myself in the mirror and pinch my cheeks to make myself look less sleepy. I run my hands through my hair and mess it up a little. I put some sweat pants on but I don't have time to be disappointed with my image in the mirror, because I heard the doorbell ring. He knows no one is here but he rings the doorbell. I laugh.

I race down the stairs, careful not to trip over or do anything embarrassing. My heart is pounding and my hands are sweaty. God, I'm really nervous. I reach the door and open it. Edward is leaning against the door frame on the other side. Standing in the darkness as the light from my house illuminates his features. The right side of his face curls up into a smile.

"I lied." He says.

"About what?" I ask, smiling up at him.

"I didn't come back to Forks to catch up with Emmett." He whispers and leans down and kisses me on the cheek. His lips lingering a little longer than what's considered friendly. He smells less like a Sunday hangover and more like candy. A blush spreads across my cheeks and I smile. I step to the side to let him into my house for the second time that day.

He is wearing dark jeans, white converses and a t-shirt that says, "WAR IS OVER. If you want it." I approve of his attire.

"Cool shirt." I tell him as he looks around my house like it's the first time he's been here.

"Thanks baby doll." He looks at me and I realise there are dark lines under his eyes that weren't there this morning. And sadness in his iris's that I had only just noticed.

"You want to come to my room? I mean, it's where I spend most of my time." I offer him, not really knowing how to entertain him or what to do. My knees were shaking and I tried to steady myself but I was just feeling more and more nervous. Edward smiles at me.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" He asks, with a light chuckle.

"Do you want me to seduce you?" I ask him and he becomes a little more serious.

"A little bit."

"Well, I'm not." He laughs. "Follow me." I say and I start to walk towards my room. He grabs my hand and enlaces his fingers in mine. I smile at him and lead him up the stairs.

"I don't know how you can survive in a place like this." He muses to himself and I ignore him. I don't think he wanted my response anyway. I lead him to my room, still hand in hand and I slowly open my door. He stands in my doorway for a moment or two looking into my bedroom, watching everything. He looks at my wall of records. Literally, a whole wall full of records. His eyes wander over my bookshelf that I keep all my favourites in. From Kerouac to Shakespeare to Emily Bronte, I have them all. After moments of silence he finally enters. He looks like he belongs in this room. It's weird, you know, how much of an outsider he looked in the rest of the house but in my room - it just look like he fit. And I wondered if I looked like a stranger in the rest of the house. I wondered if I belonged here at all. Edward notices my art studio and begins to walk towards it. The motion distracts me from my thoughts.

"Do you mind?" He asks and I shake my head, trailing on his shadow, watching him carefully. He enters the small room and walks around, lifting up old canvases, running his hands along paintings and sculptures that I have done, lifting up photographs. He observes it all and I watch him observing my home. His facial expression changes, he is generally interested in what he is looking at. And I still feel nervous but I feel happy too, happy that he is here, that I can share this with him. Because I can't share it with anyone else. Sometimes, it even seems too private for Alice.  
After what seems like a long time, he returns to me and stands in front of me. He looks down at my face and slowly and softly kisses me on the lips. Just once. But long enough for my lips to tingle and my hands shake.

"Thank you for showing me this." He says and I nod. "Play me a record?" He whispers.

"Okay." And I step away from him to choose what I'll put on. I can feel him watching me. And I feel the pressure. What will I play? What will I choose? But when I see it on my shelf. I know. I know what I want him to listen to, in this moment, with me. I carry it over to the record player, slip it out of its cover and place it carefully. I slowly put the needle in its place and wait nervously for it to begin to play. Edward is sitting on my bed, facing me, he is leaning back on his hands, which are resting on the bed behind him, and he looks relaxed and intrigued. I walk over to join him as First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes begins to play. I fidget with my hands as I sit next to him. He turns and faces me.

"I can't believe you're seventeen." He whispers and so I lean forward and press my lips to his. He's surprised. But I don't want him to think I'm too young, that I'm too innocent, that I don't want him. Because I do. I do want him, more than I've wanted another human being like that ever in my life before. He kisses me back, applying pressure with his lips. He puts his hand to my neck and caresses the skin there. It's different, it's more. It's what we both want but we're too afraid to have. I lean into him and wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me to him, so passionately I could cry. I'm breathing hard, I'm kissing hard. I'm feeling so much, in my stomach and my chest, it's like my entire body is being controlled by this kiss. Something that I never knew I needed, but I definitely, have needed this for a long, long time.

Edward pulls away from me slightly to catch his breath.

"We need to stop." He whispers and I nod, because whatever this is, it's terrifying me. And I think it might be scaring him a bit too. He lies back on my pillows and pulls me beside him. He's on his back staring at my ceiling and I curl into my side, with my head resting against his chest. We're catching our breath. Bright Eyes is still playing. It's silent in my room.

"Where did you go today?" I finally ask him and he sighs. It's the only sound in the room, but it sounds like thunder. His sigh echoes and I wait. I wait for him to speak, but I'm not certain he will.

"My friend, Rose, she over dosed last night." He says eventually. Softly.

"Is she okay?" I ask him and he nods.  
"She's fine. She'll be under watch for a while though. She's always been unstable."

"What do you mean?" I ask him, hoping talking about something that is bothering him will make him feel better. But even I'm unsure. I'm scared he'll think I'm pushy, or ask too many questions or something.

"She was kicked out of home a few years ago; she's an addict and an alcoholic. She's just really, _not there._ And it's so, so hard to look after her." I reach for his hand and grasp it in mine. He looks at me sadly.

"Thank you for telling me this." I say and he nods. "Are you always this honest?"

"Always."

"Can you stay tonight?" I whisper and he looks down at me and smiles.

"I was hoping you would ask."

We talk about nothing but everything at the same time. He holds me in his arms and I just feel like I've been missing out for a long time not knowing this boy. He makes me laugh, like generally laugh so much that sometimes I become embarrassed. He kisses me softly at random moments just to make me sweeten. His favourite book is Catcher in the Rye and he loves the Dark Side of the Moon. We talk for hours, and muck around and kiss each other. Until finally we fall asleep in each other's arms. With Bright Eyes long over and the sound of our breathing in the night air the only noise we hear as we drift into a slumber.

I wake up to my alarm in the morning. It's early but Edward isn't here. There is a note on my bedside table saying Rose called and he had to leave early. I wonder just how early he had left. I wondered how long I had slept alone for. I rolled over on his side of the bed and stretched. I, shamefully, smelled the pillow a bit, he left traces of his scent behind. Candy. I smiled.

"Don't mess this up." I whisper to myself and close my eyes for a moment. Basking in the feeling of what was coursing through my veins. I finally clambered out of bed and began to dress for school.

I attended the most prestigious school of Forks. Forks Academy. Original name, huh? Where we were all about dedication, hard work, and tradition. And money. Though they would never write that on the brochure. The school uniform consisted of a short pleated skirt, knee-high black socks, a white shirt, a dark navy tie with white stripes and a dark navy blazer. It wasn't a bad uniform. I'm sure many of the male students had thoughts about this uniform in their showers and maybe even some of the male faculty too. I sometimes had my suspicions. Especially with the IT teachers.

I tie my hair into a high pony tail, put on some foundation and a tad of mascara. I grab an apple and walk outside to wait for my driver. It's a cold morning. The fog is hanging around like a pesty friend. The air smells like rain. I blow warm air on my chilling finger tips until Laurent's black car arrives. Laurent picks me up every morning and drops me home every night. Renee says it was for appearances. But I know it was so they could make sure that I actually attended school. Laurent opens the door for me and I climb into the back seat. Laurent is pretty cool. I think if I had to choose a driver for myself out of a list of people, I'd definitely choose Laurent.

"How are you this morning, kid?" He says as he starts the engine and Radiohead begins to play.

"Wonderful thank you, Laurent. What do you think about this album?" I ask him and he smiles at me through the rear view mirror.

"I like it much more than that last one you lent me." He says and I laugh. He wasn't a Black Flag fan.

"I met a boy." I tell him and he smiles.

"That's great, kid. What's he like?"

"He's amazing." I tell him, and I feel myself blush a little bit.

"Would Renee and Phil like him?" He asks me and I laugh.

"No! Absolutely not. I think they'd actually loathe him. He's a lot like me." I explain.

"In that case, I think I would like him." He replies.

"I think you would too, Laurent."

We grow quiet and soon we arrive at the worst building that was ever built. I groan and he laughs. "Have a good day." He says and I roll my eyes. I step out of the car and look around as Laurent drives off. I'm looking for Alice. I spot her over near Jessica and Lauren and I walk over to them.

Forks Academy is an old building built in the early 1900's. You can tell it's old money. It's actually really like the school from Dead Poet's Society. Really alike, now that I think about it. I despise this place and most of the people here. Narrow minded people raised by narrow minded parents preparing to have narrow minded children in their narrow minded future. I know, I'm melodramatic. But the place really is a drag.

Alice skips over to me and hugs me. Her short, pixie hair straightened. She smells like roses and feels soft.

"Jasper visited me last night." She whispers and I laugh.

"Edward visited me." I reply and she gasps.

"Fill me in at lunch?" We both say in unison and we laugh and link arms and walk a few steps to join Jessica and Lauren. They are sitting on one of the wooden chairs placed just outside the building's main steps.

Jessica looks horrible. I mean, I know that is an ugly thing to say but she looks like she is still hung over and has had hardly any sleep. Her eyes are drowsy and she has cracked lips. I wonder about just what she was on this past weekend. Jessica, Alice and I were best friends the first year we came here. But then Jessica found illicit drugs and Lauren. And ever since then things happened been the same. Alice and I have remained as close as we always have, but Jessica has become reckless.

"Hey baby doll." Jessica says with hardly any energy in her tone.

"Hey girls." I say and Lauren smiles.

"I heard you left the party with Edward." She says.

"I heard that too." I tell her and shrug. Letting the subject drop. I knew how to handle Lauren. I had been for years now. She moved here from some small town nobody has ever heard of, her mother remarried a rich guy. The usual deal. I think she's really self conscious, because she's the rumour starter, the liar, the fake one of your 'friend's'. Either self conscious, or just generally a bitch.  
The bell rings for school to officially begin and we all groan. All the students begin to make their way to their lockers to prepare for first class. A sea of conformist students in this pretty uniform all doing the same thing because that is what is expected of us. I want to go home.

My classes go slowly. Monday's always seem to go so slow. And the only talk that you can hear in the hallway is about the previous weekend, who kissed who, who fucked who, who did this, who did that. I felt the need to start bringing a flask to school on Monday just to be able to survive the day.

I have my first class with Jessica. I sit beside her in the back row and she falls asleep on her pencil case as our teacher drones on about Trigonometry. People are whispering around us. But I was used to this. People always whispered when I was around, and I still wasn't really sure why. I could still hear them, they may as well just talk out loud.

_"Heard she fucked Emmett's brother…" _

_"I thought she was a lesbian."_

_"Lesbian? No way she fucked Jacob."_

_"Thought they were cousins?"_

_"Dude, get your facts right."_

I roll my eyes and sort of laugh a little at the gossip I hear. I just find it all pathetic, really. It's not like it ever get's to me. Because it doesn't – I don't let it. It used too, when I was fourteen and ridiculously insecure about what people thought of me. But now it's normal for me. I'm the daughter of Renee and Charlie Swan. People will always talk about me. No use crying in the girls bathroom about it.

When the bell rings, I walk out of class and smile at the people I like and ignore the ones I don't. It's strange walking through a hallway. In a few year times, I doubt I will even be facebook friends with these people. There are people here that I walk past every day that in sixty years time I will hear about their death from a friend of a friend of a friend and I'll say, "Wow. I used to go to school with him/her." And in my mind I'll picture their teenage face, not knowing what they did with their life, where they went, who they married, who they divorced. And I think it's so weird that life works like that, that there are people you know that you will never know the same way again.

It seems like forever, but eventually, it's lunch time. Nothing really exciting has happened. I don't have any classes with Alice on a Monday so the only time I can talk to her is at lunch. We're known as the 'popular' girls. Alice is known for her beauty and looks. I'm known for my attitude because I'm different. Because I'm not from here - I'm not born into this and I never will really _fit_ in like all these other students. Jessica and Lauren are both known as the "Sluts'. But they enjoy it. They'll take any attention they can get. So if someone is taking the time to talk about them being, "A good lay." Then they eat it up like golden syrup.

Alice is practically bouncing ready for me to tell her my story. Jessica and Lauren are wrapped up in Eric and Garrett. They're talking about the weekend. If Alice and I are the popular girls, then Eric and Garrett are the popular guys. Eric's tall, masculine, but in a boy way. He's just not quite there yet. He's all about hair product and always having ironed clothes and expensive cologne. His skin is flawless, his voice smooth, he is one of the biggest sluts I know. Garrett, takes a softer approach to his popularity. He is the carer. The kind one. The one who wants to fight for whales in the beach and play the ukulele at bonfires. He has long, shaggy, brown hair and bright blue eyes. He's masculine, more so than Eric, vegetarian, and the girls go crazy over his sensitive side.  
I hear Eric ask something about Edward and I but I zone out of the conversation and take the moment to tell Alice about my night with Edward. She's the best listening, yeah'ing at the right moments, nodding her head and gasping just the right moment.

"He's so perfect for you." She says and I smile.

"Tell me about Jasper!" I ask her and she giggles.

"Okay, okay so last night I'm with Daddy and his clients and it's the most boring thing ever. Remember that time we went to watch Macbeth when we were ten and it was horrible? It was worse than that. And then suddenly I get this text saying something like, "Can you come outside." Right? So I tell Daddy that I need to get some homework done so I'll be upstairs. I knew he wouldn't disturb me. But I walk outside and there is Jasper and he bought me this book, "The Philosophy of Andy Warhol." And he told me that I needed to read it and I told him I already had and then we started making out under that big willow tree in my backyard. Ah, it was amazing."

"I'm so happy for you, Al." I say to her. And it's true. I am. It just seems to me like Jasper is her equal. Like if this was the 1800's and in a Jane Austen novel then Jasper would be her superior. He would be her Mr Knightley to her Emma Woodhouse, or Mr Darcy to her Elizabeth Bennet.

"What are you happy about baby doll?" I hear a male voice behind me and I turn to see Emmett standing behind me with a grin on his cocky, beautiful face. It's always a strange sight, seeing Emmett in uniform. He has his white shirt rolled up and his tie loosened. It's like he's too old for this place. Only physically though, maturity wise, he could probably go down a couple of grades.

"You having herpes." I say to him and he puts a hand on his chest and mouths, "ouch."

"Sup Emmett?" Alice says and they knock each one another's knuckles. Alice and Emmett have always gotten along. They have this strange friendship where Alice acts like a guy and Emmett treats her like one, yet he's sort of protective over her. Like a brother and sister or something. Whereas Emmett and I have an ongoing annoyance for one another.

"Nothing much little one. Sup with you?" He asks her and she giggles.

"Nothing much."

"What are you doing Emmett?" I ask him, cutting his bullshit act because he wouldn't be here, talking to me if he didn't want something.

"I came to see how you're getting along with my brother." He raises his eyebrows.

"Brother?" Alice asks, interrupting.

"Edward's my half brother." Emmett shrugs and she gasps.

"Scan-da-lous." She says and Emmett laughs but then turns serious.

"Look, I know I'm an asshole but I'm generally here for your benefit." He says, holding up his hands in front of him like an offering of peace.

"Go on…" I reply.

"As much as I love Edward, if Renee or Step Daddy finds out you are banging, canoodling, bumping uglies, fucking, whatever you girls call it, with my father's bastard child, it's not going to end well. You're apart of this world baby doll." He warns and I lower my eyes at him.

"Play smart." He scolds like I'm a young child going on an adventure by myself for the first time. I nod at him, once. In our world, this means that I understand what he is saying and he understands that I understand. He nods back and he leaves.

"Wow." Alice says and I look at her.

"Fuck them."

"That's my girl." She laughs.

"Edward is perfect."

"He is."

"And they are not going to stop me." I say, determination ringing true in my voice.

"You are a woman on a mission." She laughs and I do too.

"Hey Alice? Can you believe this is our last week of school until Summer." I say and she shakes her head.

"Think of all the trouble we are going to get up to."

I laugh and we look at each other. And even though neither of us mention it, I know we are both thinking of the time we could possibly, hopefully spend with Edward and Jasper.

Emmett is in my last two classes, none of my close friends are in them so I sit by myself in the middle row. Emmett sits directly behind me and keeps on throwing paper at the back of my head. He writes little notes on them, like "Be careful." "Use a condom." "Don't do what my Dad did." All this stuff because he's an asshole and he's bored and he doesn't take the time to actually listen in class because he can pay his way through life. I turn around and glare at him and pretends like nothing is happening like the four year old he is.

Finally, _finally,_ the bell rings to signal the end of the day, and I'm so pleased that Monday is over. I gather my things from my locker, and when I turn to leave Eric is standing beside me.

"Hey." He says, smiling.

"Hi." I reply, Eric's nice and fun, but he's a bit of an imbecile.

"I heard you're with Emmett's bastard brother." He says, not meaning offense, but this is how Eric is, he doesn't see how a sentence like that could affect anyone. I'm suddenly more tired than I thought and not in the mood to talk about Edward with another one of these drones.

"I heard Lauren gave you an STD." I reply. I didn't. I made that up, but I want him to know, that not everything you hear is true. I just wanted him to know that. Maybe then he'd annoy me less with his accusations he brings forth to me every Monday. Alice say's it's because he likes me. I think it's because he reports back to Lauren for a blow job.

"That's not true." He shakes his head.

"Laurent's probably here, so I gotta go." I say and turn to leave.

"Wait." He says, but I pretend I don't hear him and I continue to walk towards the end of the corridor and out the door. The cold air hits my face and it's refreshing. I let it drain away the agonising Monday feeling from me. Laurent is parked in his usually spot and I climb into the car with a humph.

"What?" I ask him. He seems grim as he looks at me.

"Renee and Phil are back." He says to me while I'm putting on my seatbelt.

"Great." I say sarcastically.

"They must of had a fight." He warns me and I groan and hit my head against the back of the passenger seat.

"And things were going so well." I say and he shoots me an apologetic look. "Laurent, just kidnap me for a couple of days, okay? I don't care if I have to stay in your boot. Don't take me home." I whine to him.

"Sorry kid, but it's my job."

"I know." I sigh.

When I enter my mansion of a home I can already hear the yelling. I can hear Renee's high pitched, angry, annoying voice that makes my ears burn and Phil's growl that makes my eyes water. I can hear things being thrown around the kitchen. Plates, I assume. I don't make myself known. I walk quietly upstairs til I reach my bedroom. I put on Bright Eyes again and I begin to paint. I paint dark green eyes and messy brown hair. He comforts me as I hear the words "Whore" And "Slut" Being thrown around downstairs along with the plates. It's getting too loud, I can't handle their anger, I can't handle them.

I call Alice and she answers on the first ring.

"Can I come over?" I whisper.

"Are they fighting?" She whispers back even though she doesn't need to.

"Uh-huh"

"Sure, sweetie. I'll send my driver to pick you up."

"I love you." I tell her. Thrilled to be leaving the place everyone assumes is a 'happy home'.

I sneak back out the front door, they're still screaming at each other, but now Renee is crying and it's so much more annoying than her angry voice is. Edward texts me when I clamber into Alice's driver's car.

_"Jasper and I are considering driving into Forks tonight. He want's to see Alice. I want to see the girl who plays perfect records. Are you alone Baby Doll?"_

I didn't know how to respond to him. I couldn't. I was feeling too much in that moment, the only person that could relax me and help me not panic and freak out when Renee and Phil fight like this was Alice. I decide I have to text him back, and so I say.

_"Not alone anymore. Wish I was. Can't see you tonight. Wish I could. Sorry." _

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	4. Chapter 4

**_I realise that this chapter is shorter than the others, but let's not worry about that and focus on the point bright side, such as, it's here and it's ready for you to read. Enjoy. :)_  
**

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**Chapter three.**

Alice opens her front door and greets me with a hug. A comforting hug that smells like pretty flowers and expensive sunshine.

"You okay?" She asks while embracing me. I nod. And although she can't see me, I know she senses what I'm saying, my nodding translates too, "I can't really talk about it right now, give me a moment or two." She understands, she's my best friend, she's Alice. And I'm so grateful for her.

Alice's house is much the same as mine, apart from different flowers, a different scent and different parents. Our homes are much alike. She lives with just her father. Her mother died when she was just a couple of months old, they barely knew each other. Alice's father is either always in the office or in a conference call or away on business. She is one of Forks elite, just like me and she is also troubled, and angry at the crappy parents God or whoever has assigned us with, just like me.

Alice leads me downstairs to her room. Her bedroom is her entire basement. It's really cool. It's like a grunge bedroom. The walls are brick but she's spray painted amazing artwork onto them. She's pretty messy, she has art work spread all over the ground, she really is a terrific artist. Much better than me, though she tends to argue that. Her bedroom smells like old records and fresh canvases with expensive cologne sprayed over the top. She has a shelf of records, a shelf of books, posters everywhere. Posters such as "End war in Vietnam now." Which I thought was kind of strange but it looks pretty cool anyway. She has a huge wardrobe in the far corner, and the biggest bed you'll ever see near the wardrobe, complete with black sheets and red pillows.  
She leads me to her red couch with a fake zebra printed blanket spread over it. There is a small wooden table in front of it, about knee height, that has glasses of milk and cookies on a plate spread out, comforting food on comforting furniture.

I almost always come here when Phil and Renee fight like they do. And every time Alice drags me down here to her sanctuary and she gives me milk and cookies like we are ten years old and she listens. Alice listens like no one I have ever met before. And it's one of my favourite things about her.

"I came home, they were throwing things, and he was calling her a whore." I mumble with a mouth full of choc –chip cookie. But she seems to understand. She nods.

"You think she cheated on him while they were away?" She asks.

"Probably." I shrug, trying not to think about it because I was about to become either really angry or really upset and if I started to cry I'd never stop.

Phil is an old man. Much older than my father had been, much older than any man I know. He is one year away from being sixty one. Renee is thirty five. But the thing is, Phil actually really loves Renee. He doesn't just have her around as a toy, or someone to show off, or to even keep him company because he's withered and sad or something like that. He genuinely loves her, he _worships_ her. I don't doubt that Phil would take a bullet for Renee… But do you think that she loves him back? Nope. Phil is Renee's security. Her ticket into this lifestyle she has always dreamed of, always wanted, but _always_ seemed so unattainable; until she met Phil.  
She left Charlie for him. She left me for him. She left our life and all our happiness we thought we had for champagne and lobster on a Sunday evening. I was only a toddler at the time, but that doesn't mean I'm still not frustrated about it now.

Anyway – because I really don't believe that Renee thinks that Phil is enough for him, Renee engages in many affairs. With the young gardener, with her snorkelling instructor from our last cruise, with whoever, really. If he is cute, has a nice ass and isn't from or going anywhere special, she'll do him.

And when Phil finds out, well, they fight, he shouts, he sometimes cries, she comforts him, the endless charade of fake love continues. Renee will have another face lift and all will be well and forgiven in our _family_ home.

"Wanna spray paint something on my wall?" Alice asks, offering me another cookie. She has taken off her school skirt, tie and blazer, but she has left her knee high socks and white shirt on. It's warm in her basement; there isn't any window so if it becomes hot down here easily when the air is trapped.

"Hell yes, I do." I smile at her, Alice always relaxes me. _Always. _And I mean, it's not like she really does anything, not really. She doesn't say anything fake like, "Everything is going to be okay." Or, "I'm so sorry this is happening." Because she knows how it is and she knows it's not always going to be okay. And maybe that in itself is what comforts me most, because Alice just _knows._

I'm still wearing my school uniform, so I follow Alice's suite and remove my blazer, tie and skirt.

"We could be in a porno." She says and I laugh and push her shoulder gently. She walks over to her record player and put's on Sexy Sadie by the Beatles and I laugh a little more genuinely.

Alice hands me some stuff, such as paper, spray paint, a knife and permanent marker. And then she gets the same stuff for herself. We kneel next to each other on the ground in front of a blank bit of brick wall and wiggle our hips to Sexy Sadie. I begin to draw on the white paper with the permanent marker and she does the same. I draw Alice and I, in our white shirts and black knee high socks, the cartoon version of us. Above our heads I write the words, "Two can be complete without the rest of the world." And Alice smiles when she looks at it, because she likes the Strokes just as much as I do. I cut out the stencil and spray it onto her wall, using blues and reds.

Alice spray paints a cup of coffee and a cup of tea next to us. And writes, "Coffee and tea, one for you and one for me." It might not mean much to others, but I see what she means, I'm the coffee and she's the tea, and although we're different, we click. At least, that's how I see it.

We lie down, side by side, our shoulders touching as we stare up at the wall. Not really saying anything but not really needing too.

"Think we'll be always be best friends?" She asks, turning to face me and I smile.

"Of course we will. Coffee and tea. Always." I reply without hesitation. She laughs and turns her head to stare back at the wall.

The ringing of my phone breaks the silence and the stillness of the air and I run to the couch where I left it, I see that it's Renee calling and I sigh before answering.

"Hello?" I say hesitatingly.

"Isabella! Where are you?" Renee's annoying voice screeches into my ear.

"At Alice's, I came home, but then left again."

"Oh. Well, okay. Phil and I aren't fighting anymore." She says cheerfully. And I wonder how much she has broken Phil's heart this time, and just _how much_ his fragile heart can handle. It is sixty years old, after all. "But it's probably best you stay at sweet Alice's tonight." She continues. "I think we need to spend tonight alone." She says. I shudder at her words.

"Okay." I reply. I'm kind of happy; I don't want to go home and have to put up with her nasal voice and her fake moans late at night.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then, don't forget you have a hair appointment straight after school." She hangs up. Alice is sitting up with her legs crossed under her, watching me with her eyebrows raised.

"Apparently I have a hair appointment tomorrow." I say, shaking my head.

Alice snorts. "I knew that dark purple hair would not last long." She laughs, and although it's kind of funny, my attempt at rebelling, I still kind of feel sad.

Alice and I don't really do anything, we stay in her room and listen to music, I try to help her with her homework but we give up, not really being in the mood as it was our last week of school anyway.

It's late at night and Alice has lent me some pyjamas, we're trying to fall asleep but failing, because we're so tired that anything either of us says is really funny, and we roll around in her bed, holding our stomaches with tears rolling down our faces, laughing _so_ much at nothing in particular. Her phone starts to ring. And even this seems funny.

"It's Jasper." She says without looking. I smile, wondering if Edward will call me. Wondering if Jasper is with Edward, wondering, wondering, and wondering.

"Hi." She smiles into her phone. "Yeah, I'm good thank you. How are you? That's good." She smiles again. "Are you really? Are you alone? Okay. I'll see you soon." She smiles and hangs up. She begins to laugh.

"Jasper's here." She says, "Do you mind if I go see him?" She asks me.

"Of course not." I smile at her. "Is he…"

"Edward's with Rose." She finishes for me. And I can't help but feel disappointed at her words.

"Oh, okay." I shake the feelings from my stomach. "Kiss Jasper extra hard for me." I tell her and she laughs and kisses me on the cheek.

"Always." She says and bounces off and starts walking up the stairs, taking two at a time and seeming in a rush, probably forgetting she's in love heart pyjama shorts and a singlet. I laugh watching her and then roll over and look at the ceiling once she has gone.

I think about Edward. I think about his face and his perfect jaw line and his muscle filled, safe arms. I think about what he's doing, I think about how he's looking after Rose right now. And I wonder what Rose looks like. Is she beautiful or horrible looking and would it make a difference either way? I wonder what Rose thinks of Edward and I wonder how long the two have known each other. I feel a little bit jealous and then I think that I'm being ridiculous because all Edward is doing is caring about someone who can't care about themselves and there is nothing wrong with that.  
I think about how Edward never replied to my text message, and I wonder what he thought. I wonder what Edward thinks about me, and I just - I really wonder about Edward.

I think about how I don't really know him, I mean, I do, I know all his favourites and what he loves to have on his pizza but I have no idea where he is from and how he got to where he is today and even where he _really_ wants to go. I don't know how he is Emmett's half brother and I don't even know if it's any of my business.

I just know that Edward is this really intriguing guy that I have known for three days and it's not like Romeo and Juliet and I'm not madly in love with him and about to commit suicide because of him, I just think I have this huge crush on him that I have no idea what to do with because I have not liked someone this much, since, _ever._

I fall asleep to these thoughts. At some point in the night I wake again to Alice climbing into bed, with the scent of the fresh night on her skin and happiness radiating from her bones.

"That boy is amazing." She whispers and I "Hmm" Into disorientated agreement before I continue my deep slumber once more.

Alice nudges my shoulder in the morning to wake me up, I don't know what time it is but I can only assume it's early morning from the way her eyes are not fully open and there are no sounds of busy day life coming from outside.

"How do you feel about not going to school today?" She asks me and I laugh.

"I feel pretty freaking good." I say and she "Woo's."

"It looks like a nice day outside, we should do something worthwhile." She says, excitement shining through her eyes.

"Yeah?" I ask, sitting up, "like what?"

"We haven't been to La Push for a while." She hints, a mischievous grin playing with her lips.

I smile back at her; I can only imagine my face matches hers, we haven't experienced the excitement that La Push can bring for quite a while indeed, and I know we are both in the mood for it today.

We dress for the days activities. Renee doesn't call me and neither does Phil, and thankfully they don't send Laurent to come and retrieve me. Alice's Dad is busy and not here to care about us. Alice has been smiling all morning.

"Tell me about last night?" I ask her and she almost jumps into my arms. We're in the bathroom and she's braiding my hair into a fish-tail.

"I thought you'd never ask!" She exclaims, "Well he came by and he said that today was tough because Rose was needier than usual and she wouldn't let Edward leave, she won't let him leave her." She says, really sadly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she just, I don't know, Jasper didn't really explain but he just says that she freaks out when Edward tries to leave, like even if he just wants to go get some groceries, she breaks down. Says she can't be alone."

"That is sad." I say, and it is. But I wish I was hearing this from Edward. I wish I could comfort him. Because I can imagine his sad eyes right now.

"Jasper says that it's going to be hard for him to drive to Forks this week. So it might be a while before you see him." She says gently.

"Oh." I don't know what to say, I hardly know Edward, which is why I want to _get_ to know Edward. I want to spend time with him. And I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or not, but I just want to kiss his lips and hear his voice and not knowing when I might have the chance to do that make's my stomach twang a little bit.

"You'll see him soon. Don't worry." Alice comforts me.

"Tell me more about you and Jasper." I nudge her.

"He just drove me around in his car for a while, we listened to old 90's grunge music, he has the most amazing music taste, like you Baby doll, and then we made out in his back seat." She laugh and I giggle.

"Classy." I say.

"I know right? Anyway, and then we talked for ages and he bought me back home. Kissed me on the cheek and said he'll be back Friday to take me out on a proper date." She smiles, genuinely smiles, it reaches her eyes and everything.

"That sounds so wonderful." I say dreamily.

Alice looks at me, "I'm sure Edward will message you or call you, or _something_." She says.

"Eh, let's go." I tell her, trying to drop the subject. I didn't want to get my expectations up, and then have him not call, or not message me, or not take me out like Jasper is taking Alice out. And then I'd be ridiculously disappointed over a boy I hardly had the chance to know, and I'd feel stupid. I'm trying to avoid feeling stupid.

Alice asks her driver to take us to La Push, and although he questions it, she persuades him to take us anyway. Her driver's name is Victor; he has grey hair and dark glasses. He's not as cool as Laurent, but we still have a laugh with him.

I call Jacob on the way, he's more than happy to spend the day with us. I haven't seen Jacob for a while and he says I'm always a good excuse to skip school. I smile into the phone when he says that.

After Alice, Jacob would be my best friend. We've been family friends since we were born and he's the only one who _really_ knew Charlie. His Dad, Billy and Charlie always used to go fishing together and bring us home Salmon for tea. Jacob started dating this girl from La Push called Leah a while ago and since then; we've been seeing each other less and less. He says it's because his life has been very messy this year, not bad messy, just generally messy. But I think that's bullshit. Leah doesn't like me one bit and that's because she's jealous and insecure about mine and Jakes relationship. I don't really like her either, she always has something negative to say. Always. Even if it's about something positive, she'll think about something negative to say. I just don't really like being friends with people like that. Also because this one time she said that Bob Dylan was just a stoner with no real talent. I've never really gotten over that.

Victor drops us off at one of the main cliffs in La Push.

"Don't wait around." Alice tells him as she climbs out of the car. He looks at both of us worriedly.

"Billy is picking us up from here." I lie, and although he looks uncertain, he seems to believe it. He tells us he'll be back later and drives away, leaving dust and freedom behind. I turn to look at Alice and smile.

"It's been so long." I tell her and she agrees.

The main cliff overlooks the ocean, it's always cold here, but today the sun is shining and seems brighter than usual. Dark green trees and shrub surround us. Down below the water appears welcoming. The sun reflects the blue and the waves do not seem very rough and as angry as usual.

Jacob and Seth arrive half an hour later, they rode their motorbikes here and look kind of attractive when they arrive. I don't see them like that, but a seventeen year old girl is allowed to appreciate. Jacob climbs off his motorbike and takes off his helmet. He smiles when he sees me. I run towards him and he lifts me into a hug, I wrap my arms around his neck and embrace him back.

"It's been forever Baby doll." He says as he puts me down.

"Where's Leah?"

"She's busy." He apologises, I shrug. I know he's lying but I let it go.

"Hey Baby doll." Seth says as he walks over to us, he extends a closed fist and I bump knuckles with him, Alice does the same with Jacob and Seth. Seth is Leah's younger brother, he's cute, but still looks like a boy. In a couple of years he'll be "oh my god, I can't breathe" Sexy, but for now he is cute. He's tall, with short cropped brunette hair. He has big puppy brown eyes and soft dark skin.

"When are you two going to teach us how to ride those?" Alice asks, pointing to the motorbikes.

"When Seth's sister stops hating us." I say and Seth laughs, Jacob doesn't find it as funny.

"She doesn't hate you." He replies quickly, defending her.

"She kind of does, man." Seth says and I giggle.

"We'll have to find someone else, if you two don't give us free lessons soon." I threaten.

"No no, we'll teach you." Jacob narrows his eyes; I know he doesn't trust anyone else to teach Charlie Swan's daughter something like riding a motorbike. "Pick a day next week." He says.

"Wednesday." I say randomly, it was the first day that popped into my head. Alice looks at me, and considers Wednesday, she shrugs.

"Wednesday's cool." She agrees.

"It's settled then." Seth states. "Wednesday, midday, Jakes house. Your first motorbike lesson."

"Cool." We all say.

"You guys ready for this?" Seth says eventually and we nod.

"It's been too long." Alice says, taking off her t-shirt, leaving her in sport shorts and a singlet, underneath we wore our bikinis. I do the same as we walk over to the cliffs edge. Seth looks at us a moment too long before doing the same, so does Jacob. They are left in shorts, without a t-shirt. And I can't help but notice how much Jake has grown over the years. Seth and Jacob are all muscles and smooth skin. The lanky boy I grew up with has gone. I have to blink twice before I can believe it.

"Stop staring." He says and I wink at him playfully. He laughs.

We all walk to the cliffs edge and look down at the water. It seems to transparent, so beautiful, so clear and blue. I can't wait to feel it wash against my skin. My bare feet sink into the soft green grass while we watch the waves below us.

"I'm nervous and I don't know why." Alice says

"You don't have to jump you know." Seth answer her, "We can just swim down there instead." He offers.

"Not me." I say and Jacob smiles down at me.

"You've always been so tough baby doll, too tough for your own good." Her mutters and I pretend I don't hear him.

"I'm doing it." Alice finally decides and I know Seth has grabbed her hand. This is how we do this. Alice is on the far left, next is Seth, he's on my left, and Jacob is on my right. We hold each other's hands, fingers between fingers, sharing the adrenaline that is pumping through our veins.

"Jump big." Jacob says before we start counting.

"One."

"Two."

"THREE!"

And then I'm in the air. And my heart is beating so fast, I can feel it through my chest, and they are all screaming but I can't form words. Their screams are like sounds of delight. I'm falling through the sky, I'm invincible. I take a deep breath and I fall into the water, I can't feel anyone's hands, they've let go.

I swim to the surface but I've lost where they others are. I've landed away from them and I'm not sure how that happened. The water is grabbing at me. I rise to the surface but the water crashes down on my face again and forces me under it. It forces me to worship it. I'm under it and I can't breathe. I'm trying but I keep getting pushed down and I don't know where any of the others are but my chest is too tight and I'm running out of air. But suddenly, I realise that this isn't a fight, it's not a war between the water and I, and so I stop pushing against it. And I sort of just float underneath the blue, salty waves.

And for some strange reason, I feel peaceful as all air leaves my lungs. I feel content, I feel clarity, and I feel like I have all the answers and no longer have to ask any questions. I feel kind of, happy.

I realise the water is drowning me. The water is killing me – but what scares me more than that, is that I also realise, in that moment, I don't mind. Not one bit.

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	5. Chapter 5

****_They're the ones who'll hate you,_

_When you think you've got the world all sussed out,_

_They're the ones who'll spit at you,_

_You will be the one screaming out."_

_-Radiohead (High and Dry)_

**Chapter four.**

When I was just a girl, Charlie used to pick me up and place me on his broad, strong shoulders, so I could see the world. Or what seemed like the world to me. I'd pretend I was flying as we moved through our meadow together; lifting my head, the sun would shine on my face. I outstretched my small arms as the flowers looked up at me. The blue sky would watch down on us. We would laugh, and smile. And I didn't worry about whether I would feel that way forever, or if it was fleeting. Because I was sure that feeling of pure bliss would always stay. But of course, growing up, it didn't.

_But I could feel it now._

It was like I was floating, in the gentlest bed of feathers you could imagine. But I couldn't see anything. All around me was darkness. My eyes wouldn't adjust and I was left seeing black. I could just _feel._ I could feel the softness of Charlie's hand placed on my cheek. I couldn't see him, but I could feel it. And I could smell his peppermint cologne, so strong and nostalgic; I searched for him in the shadowy abyss.

And then I could hear his voice, soft and caring, full of love and adoration. The gentle sound of his husky voice whispering, but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"What?" I asked into the air. "Where are you?" And I reached and reached trying to find him, straining my ears to hear what he was trying to say.

Til finally I could.

"Babydoll!"

And then the feeling was quickly disappearing, until it was gone.

Replacing the serenity, was pain. God, my chest hurt, and my head and my heart, and my entire body. Oh god, it hurt so much, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, the pain was there. Where was Charlie? Where did that peace go? Why did I hurt so much?

And the darkness was beginning to fade, and light was entering my eyes. So blindingly that it hurt. I tried to shield my eyes away from it but they wouldn't move. And the light kept striking me, until I realised it wasn't light at all, it was an outline of someone, and they were kneeling in front of me, taking away the darkness.

"Babydoll, can you hear me?!" The someone said, it was Jacob. He sounded so worried, so frightened, he sounded like a little boy again.

And I felt like my lungs were going to rise up through my chest, and I began to splutter and spew, and someone rolled me on my side as the sand beside me clumped up with the dampness I had just splattered on it from my lungs.

I was on the beach. And it was still such a pretty day. Such a beautiful day. I wasn't sure what beach I was lying on. Or what had happened. My head hurt and all the thinking I was doing was making the pain worse. Voices were saying things around me, but they were blurring together, they weren't making sense, and became like a hum in the background. Suddenly, I was being lifted on something and then someone was strapping me into the back of an ambulance with strangers around me but Alice at my side repeating.

"Oh god, I thought you were going to die. Oh fuck, Babydoll I thought you were dead." And she was crying and the stranger said,

"Ma'am, you're going to have to calm down." But she just kept on crying and they put something over my mouth as I finally started to adjust to my surroundings and it hit me.

_I had drowned._

I almost died. Oh god, I almost died!

The man fixing the thing around my mouth was older, late forties I would say. He had grey hair and lines around his eyes. He looked like a family man, someone who loved his wife and kids. He told me that I was going to be okay and I nodded. He told Alice I was going to be okay but she just cried some more, and then she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. I tried to hold it back but I didn't have the strength.

"Oh thank fuck Babydoll, you're going to be okay." She half laughs, half cries, with tears still streaming down her face. And I smiled weakly. Because although I was thankful. I wasn't really sure if that were true. I wasn't really sure if I was going to be okay at all.

I have a room to myself in the hospital. I'm in this ugly hospital gown and I'm connected to a drip that makes me feel queasy when I look at it. All around me is white. I've always wondered why hospitals aren't more colourful. The ground is white, the walls are white, the bed sheets, pillows, blankets, it's all white. All the white makes me more depressed than being here actually does.

The good doctor tells me with a ring on his finger and a smile constantly on his face that I have to stay the night, for his comfort. He says he'd feel better knowing that I was here tonight, just in case. There was a lot of fussing and figuring out if I was going to make a full recovery, to which, they found out that the answer was yes.

"It's a miracle." One of the nurses had said, "You could have died, or had a heart failure, or have brain damage, we see it all the time. But here you are sweetie, fit as a fiddle." She smiled generally when she had said it, but it just made me feel really, really sad. It made me think that maybe I'm not as thankful as I should be.

It's just after dinner time. Around seven PM. It had grown dark outside the white window that I constantly found myself staring through. I began to think about how I woke up this morning with Alice, planning something exciting, and now here I am, being treated as royalty because I almost died. Alice had gone home. But before she left, she had explained what had happened, crying the whole time.

"You were there and then you were gone." She had said darkly. "And Seth was screaming out over the crash of the waves, "Where is Babydoll?! I let go of her hand, fuck! Where is she?" And Jacob was under the water trying to find you, and I was freaking out, and then Seth went under the water too and it was just me and I wasn't sure what to do or how to help and I started to cry, and my tears were mixing in with the salt water, and I was screaming! Oh Babydoll, you should have heard me scream! And then Jacob came up, and he had his arm around your waist and god, I will never forget how you looked, with your eyes shut and your hair mattered and your body white and pale and your limbs lifeless. And he swam with you to the shore and we followed him, and helped him pull you out of the water. He collapsed with you on the beach and your lips were the same colour as your skin and he started yelling stuff at us like who to call and what to do and then he started breathing into your dead lips and pushing on your chest." She started to cry harder, so I grabbed her hand, reminding her that I'm alive.

"And I couldn't watch any more so I turned into Seth and he was holding me and he was shaking so badly and we didn't know what to do, and Jacob started hitting your chest really fucking hard and he was screaming at you, and yelling and swearing! Seth tried to put his hand on his shoulder but there was no point, he was furious and worried and frightened and I kept crying. But then your chest started to move a little. And your eyes started to move behind your eyelids. And then you were coughing the water up and the ambulance had arrived." She exhales deeply.

"It was the scariest fucking thing that's ever happened to me Babydoll."

"I'm okay." I remind her and she smiles.

"And I'm so, so grateful to whatever saved you, whether it was Jacob, your body, or even if it was some form of God, I don't care what or who it was, I'm so fucking grateful."

"I love you Alice." I had told her and she had leaned over the hospital bed and wrapped her small arms around me, carefully, trying not to hurt me in anyway.

"I love you most Babydoll."

And then she had to leave, she said her Dad was mad she skipped today and she was going to get a lecture. But I think that maybe her Dad was just thinking that he is glad that Alice is okay and it wasn't his baby girl who nearly drowned, and maybe he just wants her around so he can show her that. Because Alice's Dad is someone who would do that sort of thing, and feel that sort of way.

The nurse knocks on my door and enters, she's young, about thirty, with short legs and blonde hair pulled into a tight bun on the top of her head.

"Just checking in to see if you need anything." She says,

"That's about the 100th time in the last hour." I smile, "Are you sure I'm not getting special treatment because of my fame and fortune?" I say sarcastically and she grimaces.

"Not because of your fame and fortune, honey. I was a friend of your fathers; he wouldn't want you in here alone."

I stay silent for a moment or two, unsure what to say. "Thank you, it's nice meeting his friends." I tell her eventually, and she smiles.

"He was a great man."

The room falls quiet and neither of us knows what to say, so she excuses herself and tells me she'll be back soon. I have no doubt that she will be.

I once again look out the window and watch the warm breeze blow through the trees, their shadows displayed across the concrete outside. Renee was here before, while Alice was in the cafeteria, stuffing her face with their jelly. She had strutted in, wearing high heels and a new manicure. I was lying on my bed, staring out the window, deep in thought. But her click-clack on the floor had shaken me out of whatever I was thinking about.

"Well. We're going to have to reschedule your hair appointment." She said, and took a seat next to me. I stared at her. "That was a joke." She explained.

"Very funny." I said sarcastically, with no humour in my tone at all.

"I'm so glad you are okay." She grabbed my hand and patted it softly. But it felt rough, not affectionate; it felt like the touch of a stranger.

"Me too." I replied.

"Why did you do it?" She asked, "Why did you jump?" She was looking at me with stern eyes and cement lips. I wasn't sure of what she was thinking. I wasn't sure of what she was feeling. Her face was expressionless.

"For fun." I shrugged and she nodded.

"Alice explained that earlier, but I just had to make sure. Never again." She says strictly. "You're not to even go near that cliff again, understand?"

I nodded, looking anywhere but in her eyes.

"I've gotten you off school til Friday." She adds.

"Thank you." I said genuinely. I wasn't sure how many days I'd missed this year, but I wasn't sure how many I could afford to skip. And now I generally didn't want to return to school for the last week. Friday, I had to because it was the last day. But any other day, I wasn't sure I could put up with the whispers in this mental funk I'd gotten myself into.

Renee sits with me for a while. Talking about her day, nothing really interesting.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick you up." She kissed me on the cheek and click-clacked her way out of the white room.

And now I lay here, with nothing really on my mind except maybe that I feel really lonely right now. Alice is at home with her caring Father. And Renee is at home with her loving husband. And even most of the nurses have since gone home to their families. And I'm in this room with this stupid television playing the same dumb show, over and over, and I still wasn't sure of what to think. Or how to think. Because I just wasn't sure of anything now.

"Sir, its family only at the moment." I hear one of the nurses say.

"I'm a friend of Phil's." Replies Edward's voice. Oh god, Edward. Edward was here? I wrapped my hands around each other, and then wiped my face, and then played with my hands again. I don't know how Edward convinced the nurse to let him in, maybe it's because he mentioned Phil. And the mention of Phil would get you anywhere, because the nurse wouldn't have the courage to doubt it.

He opens the door slowly, his eyes scanning the room until they fall on me. He steps into the room, his hands are wrapped tightly around a bunch of yellow and white flowers.

"Hi." I say nervously. And he exhales heavily before walking quickly towards where I am sitting up in bed, in my ugly hospital gown with the blanket bunched around my hips. Edward's hair is the messiest I have ever seen it. He has stubble; he's wearing jeans, an unbuttoned blue shirt and a black Pixie's t-shirt. His eyes are the darkest I've ever seen them. As soon as he reaches my bedside he places his lips on mine and kisses them softly and quickly.

"Why did you do it?" He asks angrily, his eyes staring intently into mine, just inches away from my face. His eyebrows are knotting together. His hands still gripped around the bunch of flowers.

"I wasn't… Trying to... You know..." I mumble, looking down at my hands. I hadn't cried all day but now for some reason, I felt like I needed to.

"You jumped off a cliff!" He says loudly, almost yelling.

"I'm sorry." I apologise. Finally looking up at him, his frightened eyes, his worried expression, his exhausted face. He sighs and backs away from me; he places the flowers on the bedside table and sits down on the chair beside me.

"I was so scared Babydoll. Alice called Jasper and she was in hysterics and Rose wouldn't let me leave and I was so torn. And I needed to see you, I _had_ to see you, Alice said you were okay but I just…" He words trailed and hung in the air, I reached for his hand and he grabbed mine.

"It's okay." I whisper, forcing his eyes to look at me, I stroke his hand with my thumb. "I'm okay."

"I hardly even know you Babydoll and the whole drive here I was just thinking about, what if the chance to _really_ know you was taken away." He pauses, "Promise me you won't do it again" He says seriously.

"I promise." I smile and he sighs again and leans in to kiss me on the forehead. "I can't believe you're here." I tell him and he stares at me.

"Of course I'm here."

"Thank you." I smile and he smiles weakly back.

"I bought you flowers."

"They're lovely." I tell him.

"But then Alice told me you don't like flowers." He laughs.

"They're lovely anyway." I comfort him and he smiles again, more genuine this time.

He stays a while and we don't really talk about anything in particular, he keeps giving me this look, like I'm going to break any second, or he's not certain if I jumped on purpose or not. This worried glance that he keeps sending my way that makes me really nervous.

He tells me that he should go, because it's late and I need sleep. He kisses me tenderly and I ask him when I will see him again.

"What are you doing Friday night?" He asks me.

"Absolutely nothing." I smile

"Good, because I'm taking you out on the town." He smiles back and turns to walk out the door.

"What?" I call after him, wanting him to stay longer, stay with me.

"You heard me Babydoll. Pick you up at seven." He winks, tapping on the door once, before exiting, leaving only happiness and admiration behind.

I wake up early the next morning, the sun is shining into my room and I can smell summer. It's weird you know, how you can smell a season. I think that you can smell winter, because rain has a specific smell, and you can smell spring by the scent of the grass, and the leaves that fall in autumn leave a fragrance, and the summer wind and sunshine has a specific aroma that makes you smile for no real reason at all.

The nurse that kept stopping by the night before enters my room as I button up the denim shorts that Renee had bought by the night before. I was wearing a Shins t shirt and short denim, ripped shorts with some sandals. The nurse tells me that the doctor will be in soon to give me a final check up.

"What's your name?" I ask her and she smiles like she thought I'd never ask.

"Sue."

"It was nice to meet you." I tell her, and sit back on the bed, swinging my legs as I wait for the doctor.

Sue walks towards me and hands me a piece of paper, I glance at it, and it contains a phone number.

"Call me if you ever want to talk, about anything at all." She puts her hand on my forearm and squeezes gently before leaving. I stare at the piece of paper and then fold it gently, placing it in my pocket; I didn't want to lose it. Because I think that I really did want to call Sue.

"Well, well, well, don't you look nice and healthy." The doc says cheerfully as he strides into the room. He smells like coffee and looks like he wakes up on the _right_ side of the bed every morning.

"Thank you for looking after me." I tell him, as he blows air on his stethoscope, warns me that it might be cold, and feels my heart beat.

"It's what I do." He says after he's done, "Literally."

I laugh. The good doctor goes through the regular check up, confirming that I'm well and healthy and he even gives me a red lollipop.

"You're all good to go home, kid. But there's just one last thing." Doc says seriously.

"What's that?"

"Well, people who go through what you did yesterday are usually quite shocked returning to their normal, daily activities. And find it easier if they can talk to someone about what they're feeling." He says slowly and carefully.

"You want me to talk to a psychologist?" I ask him and he nods.

"Only if you want to, but I do recommend it."

"Doc, I don't care that I nearly died." I say, half laughing, half seriously.

"I don't know if I should be more concerned or relieved."

"The way I see it doc, we're dying every day. So the fact that I came just a little bit closer to death than I normally would have doesn't bother me. I'm dying anyway, yesterday just sped the process up a little bit."

"But you survived…" He says softly, looking worried.

"And I'm not going to survive forever. It's okay doc, really. I don't want to die, but the thought of death does not worry me." I tell him, he seems to kind of believe me, and that's enough.

"Renee coming to get you?" He asks eventually.

"I assume she has sent Laurent to pick me up." I smile at him, trying to hide my annoyance that she isn't here. I grab my bag and fling it over my shoulder. "See you 'round." I say before turning to leave.

"Look after yourself!" He calls after me.

I was right when I had assumed that Laurent was waiting for me. He is standing in front of the car, just outside the hospital. He's holding up a white sign that has "Babydoll" Written on it in black permanent marker. I laugh when I see it and pretend to look around like I'm not sure if it's for me or not. He chuckles and grabs my bag for me, placing it in the boot, and then he comes back around to stand in front of me, Laurent surprises me by hugging me.

"God damn, I'm happy to be driving you home today." He says and lets me go. I'm a little bit startled but I thank him and smile, he opens the door for me and I climb into the back seat. Exhaling deeply, thinking about how soon I will be alone in my room. Properly alone, and I will be able to gather my thoughts and feelings and sort them out.

"What song today Babydoll?" Laurent asks me.

"The Devil May Care, Mom and Dad Don't." I tell him and he looks at me strangely before playing Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Laurent walks me inside when we arrive at my home. I thank him and he looks like he wants to hug me again but settles on patting me on the head, before leaving. Renee and Phil aren't home, but Renee left a note on the fridge saying she'd be home that afternoon. I screw it up and throw it in the bin.

I walk upstairs to my bedroom, place my bag on the ground and collapse on my bed. I breathe in and out slowly. I try to think, I try to concentrate. I try to sort out my thoughts but it just doesn't work. I feel like I can't really believe that I did almost die, despite what I've been telling everyone, I feel like it didn't happen. And it just seems like there is a lot that I have to do, like I have to thank Jacob and Seth, and I have to make sure Alice is okay, and I have to deal with Renee's attempt at concern, and I have to go back to school and I have to tell everyone I'm okay because I'm not really sure what I'm feeling at all.

I decided that the only song that could really relate to what I was feeling at that moment was Mad World, the version by Gary Jules. And I lay back on my bed, letting his voice carry out through my room. Gary Jules sings "_the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." _And then I think about something that up until this point in time I hadn't thought about at all, I remember Charlie and his softness comforting me whilst Jacob was terrified and furious that I may die. And just as I remembered Charlie – a single tear filled in my eye and rolled down my cheek. And it was like after that one started, the rest just followed. And I couldn't stop crying, and I held my hands over my mouth like I could physically stop myself. But I couldn't. And eventually I cried myself to sleep, and that hasn't happened for a long time.

It's Thursday night and I'm lying in my bed in a jumper and pyjamas. I haven't showered, or brushed my hair, I've hardly eaten but I don't really feel hungry. I haven't really been doing anything at all except watching old movies such as Gone with the Wind and being on the phone to Alice. I've been thinking about Edward a lot. I haven't talked to him since he visited, I kind of want him to call but I don't want to call him first. Call me immature or whatever, but I just didn't want to annoy him or anything. I wondered if he'd still be here tomorrow night at seven to pick me up.

Renee's voice calls to me from downstairs.

"Isabella! Someone is here to see you." I groan and roll onto my side and stare at my door. I can't be bothered talking to anyone at the moment, or have anyone see me in this disgusting way. But I brighten up when I see Jacob standing too tall in my doorway.

"You look like shit." He says and I pick up a pillow and throw it at him, it stops before it reaches him and I collapse back onto my pillow, defeated. He walks over to me and nudges me so I'll move over. He climbs into my bed. Jacob and I always used to have sleepovers, even Charlie wouldn't mind if we slept together. Jacob was harmless, so him being in my bed meant nothing.

"I've been meaning to call you." I sigh.

"But you haven't. And you can't really say that you've been busy. Because, well, look at you." He laughs.

I roll my eyes at him, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't call you or that I haven't thanked you sooner. But really Jacob, thank you." I smile at him and he smiles back.

"No biggie." He says and I laugh. This is why I loved Jacob; he was so simple, casual about every little thing, he wasn't really a 'let's talk about our feelings' sort of guy.

"I'm surprised Renee let you up here." I say after a little bit of silence. Renee never liked Jacob, and she didn't hide her disdain for him. Jacob didn't like Renee either, and returned her attitude, never hiding his inner thoughts from her.

"I sort of, didn't give her a choice. Walked straight up here. She looked at me like I was nothing the whole way. Like a dog that was going to ruin her perfectly cleaned home."

I curl up next to him while he talks and he wraps his arm around me. I've missed having Jacob around; we stay like that for some time. I tell him how Renee has been forcing me to eat at the table with her and Phil, and it's been horrible because she has tried to cook. He jokes that he will kidnap me and his laugh and jokes is exactly what I need to hear. Something to remind me why I'm alive. Because if I had of drowned – there would never be any more knock knock jokes from Jacob. Leah calls him eventually and he has to leave.

"Call me?" I ask him before he leaves.

"Maybe." He sings and laughs and I throw another pillow at him, this time it hits him, he pulls my hair and walks out of my room.

After Jacob leaves, I decide to clamber out of bed and shower. Jacob somehow shook me out of my funk. I wash my hair, and take care of my skin, I let the fresh warm water massage my body and I shave. I moisturise my skin after, and apply a face mask. When I'm all done, I feel better. I have school tomorrow after all, I have to appear okay. I sighed as I looked into the mirror.

"Who are you fooling Babydoll?" I say to myself, "Those assholes will see right through you."

And they will too. Forks élite are used to seeing charades, put on by their parents, by the teachers at our school, by every peer they have ever had. They will look right through me. The only thing that worried me was how far they would see.

The morning arrives and I open the window to let the breeze blow in. I slowly change into my school clothes, I pull my hair into a messy bun, apply some foundation, lip balm and mascara. I try to use concealer to hide the dark rings under my eyes but it doesn't work. I sigh and figure it's the best I can do. Renee calls for breakfast and I walk downstairs to see that she has burnt pancakes.

"Here you go sweetie." She says. And I bite the into the most horrible pancake I've ever eaten, not bothering with a plate, I pretend that I like it. She smiles. "Now I have a yoga class tonight. It'll probably run late, so I'm not sure what time I'll be home." I say okay and she kisses me on the cheek as I hear Laurent beep. Tonight is my date with Edward. And I'm glad Renee won't be here to meet him. It's been on my mind every chance I have to think about it. I still haven't heard from him, I wonder if he remembers. I hope he remembers. His flowers sit in my room by the window.

Laurent drives me to school and wishes me good luck as I step out of the car. We listened to the Ramones on the way here so I feel like I have a kick ass attitude at the moment. Sun shines on my face, I'm wearing black ray bans, and I start walking towards the front entrance just as the bell rings. People are staring, people are whispering, they are grouped in swarms and some aren't as subtle as others. I keep my head held high, shoulders back and chin up. I'm proud of myself. Fuck them.

I'm walking up the main stairs and I can see Alice walking towards me. She's smiling and she wraps her arms around me.

"Babydoll, you are looking fine." She laughs and grabs my hand. She holds it as we enter the school building. Jessica and Lauren appear out of nowhere and walk beside us. I take off my ray bans and put them on the top of my head. I look sceptically at Lauren.

"You seem unusually quiet." I say and she smiles.

"Eh, Alice already filled me in on everything I wanted to know." She replies and I look at Alice.

"Thought I'd save you some time and energy." She shrugs and I nod. I instantly knew what this meant; I would not be bothered by curious students today. Alice had told the source, Lauren, whatever version of the story she wanted too. Now everyone would know what they _think_ happened or whatever they heard and I wouldn't have to explain a single damn thing to anyone. I smiled. Today was progressing swimmingly.

The students part while we walk and depart to our lockers. They stare at us, but try to not make it obvious that they are staring. I'm laughing, and they seem to watch me laughing, like they can't believe that a girl who almost died is _laughing._ Which makes me laugh just a little bit more.

I take my books out of my locker and walk to my first class by myself, even though I'm all by my lonesome, students still move aside for me. I find it all ridiculous, really. I sit at the back of my first class and Emmett walks in, all loud voice and grinning face. His eyes meet my eyes; he walks over and places his books next to mine.

"There are plenty of other empty seats." I remark as he sits beside me.

"But only one next to you Babydoll."

Emmett annoys me the whole lesson, and I'm so frustrated with him but kind of happy too, because at least he isn't acting weird around me.

"A little birdie told me you're going on a date with Edward tonight." He whispers near the end of the lesson.

"How do _you_ know that?"

"I know everything." He replies. "Remember what I said."

"About Jessica having breast implants?"

"No, not that." He shakes his head.

"About me having a nice ass?"

"Eh, definitely not that." He rolls his eyes.

"About you wanting to fuck-"

"Shut up Babydoll, you _know_ what I'm talking about." He says sternly.

I sigh. "I know, about Edward and me being like the Capulet and Montague's, or something or other."

"I never said that." Emmett's mumbles, confused.

"It's a reference to Romeo and Juliet; it's what you were implying." I laugh.

"Oh, well, then yeah. That's what I meant."

The bell rings and I stand up, flicking Emmett on the head as I leave, he waits til I'm halfway out the door and then he yells out,

"Use protection tonight Babydoll!" And the students leaving the classroom laugh, my cheeks blush and I flip Emmett off while I walk out the door, I can hear his laughter echoing into the hallway.

It's lunchtime and I'm sitting at the usual table, I'm surrounded by a giggling Alice, a whispering Jessica, a bitchy Lauren, a seedy Eric and a sleepy Garrett.

"I can't wait to see Jasper tonight." Alice says to me and I smile. I haven't told her that Edward is taking me out too and I'm not too sure why, I think that maybe it's because I doubt that it's even happening, and maybe because she's so happy about her own date, I wouldn't want to steal her thunder, or sunshine, or whatever.

"I don't know what you see in him." Lauren says and Jessica laughs.

"She's right." Eric says. "I don't see what you ladies see in any guy when I'm around."

We all roll our eyes at him.

"But really, Alice. He's not anyone special, just a cute guy with a southern accent." Lauren tells her confidently, in a voice so patronising.

"How many guys have taken you out on a date Lauren?" Alice fires back at her, defending Jasper. Lauren becomes silent and I laugh.

"How's _Edward, _Babydoll?" Lauren sneers, turning on me.

"Pretty good thanks, Lauren." I say, smiling at her, but narrowing my eyes a little bit.

"You know he's drug fucked, right?" She smiles back, her remark hurts but I ignore it.

"You know people say you're a lousy lay, right?" I reply and she stares at me, the only thing she's good at is being a slut and hearing that she's not even first-class at that infuriates her.

"At least people don't think I tried to kill myself." She says before standing up and walking away from the table, Jessica following in her trail, asking her if she's okay.

"Babydoll, you didn't _really_ try to kill yourself, did you?" Garrett says, sitting beside me, he looks at me with concerned eyes and a soft face. The way he looks at me like that, it makes me want to cry. And I turn to Alice and she is looking at me like that too, and then I realise the whole goddamn table is looking at me like that, and I can't handle it and I don't want to cry.

"I have to go." I mutter, and I stand up and walk away as fast as I can, trying not to gain attention, but trying to escape as quick as I can.

I write a note and leave it in Alice's locker, saying that I'll call her tomorrow, I love her and that I'm okay, just need some alone time, then I grab my things, shove them into my bag and walk to the office. I collect my report, not bothering to read it, I quickly thank the office lady and walk away from the school grounds.

Birds are literally chirping around me, the air smells like freshly cut grass, I remove my blazer and hold it in my arm. I put my earphones in; I listen to the Beatles as I walk home. It's a pretty long walk but I don't mind, I think that I need it. I walk and I think. I think so much that I realise that I think _too_ much. And it doesn't really make sense but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world.

I'm halfway home and I'm swinging my blazer in my hand as I walk. I've rolled my shirts sleeves up and loosened my tie. I feel a sense of euphoria. And I smile at the people that I pass. Because I just feel like I should.

"Babydoll!" I hear my name being called into the perfect clear air and turn to see a silver Volvo, with its window rolled down and Edward's smiling face in the driver's seat. I feel like I'm grinning from ear to ear when I see him. I walk towards the car with butterflies spreading their wings inside my stomach.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were skipping school." He says as I near him, I laugh.

"What are you doing here?"

"I've just been driving around for a while. Waiting for our date tonight." He smiles. "I couldn't stay away."

"Can I join you?" I ask and he nods, smiling. I walk over to the other side of his car and put my blazer and school bag in first, and then I climb into the car. It smells like vanilla and musk. I pull my ray bans out of my school bag and place them on my face, Edward leans over and kisses me on the cheek and I blush. He presses play on his stereo, David Bowie begins to sing about a star man and Edward places his hand on my knee. I smile and try not to melt, he begins to drive and I become swept away. With the music, and the wind on my face, and Edward's hand on my knee. I feel like this is how it should always be.

We drive around town, singing along to the music, Edward's voice is perfect and I want to listen to it but he won't sing unless I do too. So, we begin to duo Billy Joel's Piano Man and I'm laughing so much my stomach hurts and Edward's laughing too. After the song is finished and there are tears of happiness in my eyes, I tell him I should go home; Laurent will be about to go pick me up and if I don't go home and call him from the house, he'll be worried about me.

"Your driver would be more worried about you than your mother?" He asks me and I shrug.

"Just the way it is." I say and he exhales deeply. He drives me back to my home and we sit in the car for a moment or two.

"I'll be back at seven." He smiles, I lean over awkwardly in my seat and he laughs, and I do too. I place my lips softly on his and he puts his hand to the back of my neck, I kiss him softly and I mean it. I mean every word my lips are telling him, and his lips listen. And we just, we connect. I pull away.

"See you later, Alligator"

"Such a kid." He laughs to himself as I jump out of the car; he drives away, leaving only dust behind. I wring my hands together, thinking that it'll only be a few hours before he'll be back here, ready to take me on a date. I bite my lip. _My first date._ Wow.

* * *

_I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed so far - and I encourage you to review again. It makes me happy as Larry. :) xx_


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